


Complications

by kaizersosa



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: A lot of feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Doctor/Patient, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Gang Violence, Lemon, Love Triangles, Reader-Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:39:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9563480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaizersosa/pseuds/kaizersosa
Summary: Some Rainbow Six reader insert smut collection that I wanted to write.





	1. The Florence Nightingale Effect (Doc)

You were barely conscious when you heard loud gun shots and noises coming from all around you. Smoke and debris blinded your sight and your ears were ringing. You were scared, but this wasn't the time to be scared, because men were falling all around you, evil men. One dropped on your left as blood oozed out of the side of his head, you could see his gaze turn still behind that white mask he wore.

These masked men were your abductors. Why did they take you? You hadn't a clue, however, you knew that they were constantly terrorizing you and hurting you, you couldn't care less about their demise. Still, the sight of blood and sound of flying bullets made you hope that it will all end soon.

A few armored men stormed into the room you were in with guns raised and fully covered faces. You feared, for a second, that these were another group of men seeking to take you elsewhere and continue your torture. Still overwhelmed by shock, you flinched as one of them came up to you and quickly lifted you up and carried you in his arms. You tried to scream, but the duct tape on your lips held you silent. Tears streamed down your face. _No more,_ you thought to yourself, _please, I can't take this anymore._ The world turned dark before you as your body shut itself down so the pain and memories of abuse would go away.

When you came to again, you saw the man who carried you holding a needle over you, examining its contents. You gasp and hold your arms out in front of your face, shielding yourself however you could, even though you know the pain was inevitable.

"Relax, madam." He said in a soothing deep voice, "You are in shock, I'm here to help you."

Slowly you lift your hands away to take a good look at him. He was masked, and the only features you could see were his green eyes. There was a strange accent in his voice as he continued speaking, "I am Doc, medic of Rainbow. You're in safe hands now."

The past few days had rendered you fearful of all masked men, but you looked down at your body and realized that you had been bandaged and taken cared of, and that knowledge made you somewhat relieved.

"Those... terrorists," You spoke at last and Doc listened quietly. He emitted a peaceful presence, and it really helped. "Where are the others? Are they..."

Doc shook his head at you and said calmly, "I'm sorry, you are the only one we could save. The others were executed before the breach."

"Oh god." You covered your mouth with your hand as you felt tears flood your eyes. All of those who were there... the children.... They were dead. The thought weighed heavily on your mind as you fell silent.

"I'm very sorry." Doc said solemnly, "Please, you need to rest."

You wiped the tears away as you nodded, trying to cope with the hollow feeling in your chest, mourning for the lost. You lay back down again onto the bed as you feel his gloved hand take your arm and prepared you for an injection. It didn't even hurt when the needle pierced your skin, days of torture have rendered you numb to small pains.

Some time later, you didn't know how long, but you were fading in and out of consciousness. You hear a conversation between Doc and someone else.

"Is she okay?" The stranger asked.

"Yes. I patched her up and gave her some shots. Should help her recover from malnutrition. They did terrible things to her." Answered Doc.

"Those damn bastards." The other one spoke again, and for some reason his voice was beginning to sound familiar. You've heard it somewhere... a long time ago.

"Weißt du ihr? (Do you know her?)" Doc asked in a language you recognized as German.

There was a silence before the other man spoke again, "Yes, but I'd rather not discuss it right now. Also, you need to work on your pronunciation." You heard Doc chuckle at the remark.

You were confused by the statement, but being drowsy as you were, you couldn't bother to reflect too much upon it. Soon sleep took you over again.

You wake and realized your surrounding had changed. They must have relocated you, to a hospital or something, judging from the interior of this room. It looked to be the office of a doctor.

Your head still hurt for unknown reasons, and you figured it was because of the drugs or stress. Struggling, you sat yourself up in the bed so you could better assess what's happening. There was no one around yet.

You step down the bed as your bare feet touched the floor. The cold sent a shiver down your spine as you walked slowly around, barely able to support your movement with your legs that felt as if crippled. There were documentations, x-ray scans, and various medical gadgets around you. You figured they had moved on and you were in a general hospital.

However, as the door opened and the familiar masked face showed up, you understood that you were still in custody of Doc, or Rainbow, for better or worse. You couldn't figure out why.

"Ah, you're awake. Sorry I wasn't here." Doc greeted you, and hurried to your side to offer you an arm for support. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. My head hurts. And I can't walk..." You reported honestly, but left out the part that you were experiencing some hunger, too. Not to mention you also kind of wanted a shower to freshen up. "I'm sorry to pry... but I want to know who my savior is. I haven't had the chance to say my thanks yet, to you and your team."

Doc replied, "Rainbow is an anti-terrorism unit. My team are elite operators from all over the world. The men who abducted you were a part of a terrorist group, they intended to use you and the others as negotiation leverage."

You listened quietly and dropped your head at the mention of the other hostages, "And they succeeded..."

"No," Doc retorted gently, "After they opened fire on the hostages, we were left with no choice but to extract you by force."

"They were children." You whispered.

"I know." He sympathized, "We tried."

You look at him with sad eyes, his gaze was fixed on you. You felt in your heart that he was a good man, mild-mannered and careful. "Thank you, Doc. For everything." You said appreciatively and gave his armored arm a squeeze.

"The fight continues." He said with a smile, you couldn't see his expression but you felt it in his words, "I'm just doing my job, but you are welcome." He then helped you back to your bed.

_Two Weeks Later_

This morning you finally managed to walk on your own with crutches, and the improvement pleased Doc greatly. Having been around him for two weeks now, you are beginning to feel a connection between the two of you. It was a strange feeling, but it was there. Perhaps you felt admiration towards him because he saved you, or perhaps it was your mind playing tricks on you. In any case, you couldn't deny this feeling in your heart anymore. You look forward to his visit every day, look forward to him checking up on you, and when he wasn't around, you felt lost and bored. The other members of the Rainbow never showed up, and you wondered why.

"Doc!" You greeted him happily as he returned to his office to find you walking on your feet again, "It doesn't hurt anymore."

"Be careful now," he warned softly as he called your name, making your heart flutter at the sound of it, "We don't know if the tissues have mended completely, so I would advise you to continue using crutches for the time being." He had his arms around your waist in an effort to support you and to stop you from moving around so much, his touch created electric ripples on your skin. You hated the feeling, ashamed of how you were feeling, but at the same time you didn't want it to stop.

You look at him with sincere eyes, trying to hide the chaos within you. "I just... I can't wait to be able to go back again. To my life, instead of being crippled and stuff here, being a liability to you all."

"You are not a liability. The others can operate just as well without me." He answered as he lifted you up in his arms. The sudden gesture made you hold your breath as your heart palpitated wildly. It felt just like the first day you met, the feeling of his breast plate against your body, keeping you safe from the harms of this world.

He placed you in your bed again and offered you his hand as usual. You took his hand and held it in yours. It was becoming a small ritual between the two of you, the hand-holding, because you had been dealing with post-traumatic syndromes and doing this really helped. You sighed in relief as silence filled the space between you. Staring into his green eyes, you wondered how he looked beneath that mask, what his name was, and what's his story, even though you knew that everything about the Rainbow was confidential.

"Doc." You said, trying to control your voice so he doesn't realize how you felt for him, "Will I get better?"

"Of course, you trust me, don't you?" He asked back and squeezed your hand, "When we make sure you are healthy again, we'll return you home."

"Thank you so much, for what you've done." You said smiling, then pushed yourself up from the bed to embrace him. It was half impulsive and half planned, and you justified your action by telling yourself that you just wanted to thank him.

He didn't move nor flinch, but wrapped his arms around you too to return the gesture. You could feel your cheek against his mask, and you cherished this little moment when you were as close as you could be to him, enough to feel him breathe, to feel his chest rise and fall to yours.

You let go of him before it gets awkward and placed your head against the pillow again with your hand still in his. Words were on the tip of your tongue but you couldn't and you wouldn't say them, because it was inappropriate, and you believed that he didn't feel the same way.

"I'll come back later for your daily dose." He said as his hand left yours. You wanted to protest but felt it wasn't your place to, so you watched him go.

"Doc?" You asked just before he opened the door. He paused and turned to look at you. "Please come back soon." You requested and held your breath in anticipation and worry.

He only nodded at you before leaving you alone again, and you let your breath out slowly and wrapped the bed cover around yourself to pretend it was him.

You were falling for him, and there was a part of your brain that said it wasn't right, while the other part denied its possibility. You wanted to go home, wanted to be normal again. If only you knew why they've kept you around for so long, perhaps it'll help make you see things clearer, but right now, all you wanted was to get better, and sort out how you feel for the mysterious doctor.

_One Week Later_

This time you were able to go around the halls without escort from Doc, however he let you know which places you were allowed to be in and which you weren't. You were curious, but you knew it was for your own safety that you don't pry and cross the line. Accessible to you were a single room intended for patients and a bathroom that came with it, along with a hallway decorated by paintings. It really wasn't much, but it was a lot more freedom than being restricted to Doc's office.

Every once in a while you'd run into another member of Rainbow, and every once in a while you'd notice one that seemed to be interested in your situation. You don't remember the conversation between this mysterious man and Doc anymore (it had faded from your memory), but you brought it up to Doc in search for answers.

"Who is that operator that kept looking at me?"

"I'm Doc, an operator of Rainbow." He joked. You've been with each other long enough for him to relax and open himself up to you more. "No, that would be Blitz."

You didn't say anything, wishing that he'd give you more information, but being well-trained as he was, he didn't say more.

"Why does he seem so interested in me? I saw him earlier giving me a look through the door at the end of the hall." You pushed.

Doc seemed reluctant on saying more, but felt the need to throw you something to chew on. "We don't exactly get female visitors often, so of course you'd catch attention. Blitz is young, he is interested in just about everything."

You nodded and took it that Doc was withholding information from you, and that was fine. You understood their line of work and how covert everything needed to be, so you redirected the conversation to him. "Do I have your attention?" You asked brazenly, although you failed to stop yourself from blushing.

Doc looked at you and replied, "You've had my attention since the day I rescued you."

You felt your heart race at his words, but it was probably because you read too much into it. How could he harbor romantic feelings for you? It wasn't possible, no. You denied it, but you weren't giving up until he denies it himself. Such was how in love you were with him.

"It's not... the kind of attention I mean." You moved a little closer to him and caught his gloved hand in yours. You move so his hand was on your cheek and nuzzled against it, "I'm sorry, but I can't deny this anymore."

You placed your hand against the side of his helmet and leaned in to press your lips against where his would be beneath the mask. You felt the fabric of the mask rub against your lips, and a vague definition of his lips. It happened just as fast as it ended, and before you knew it, you pulled away from him and blushed wildly, knowing that whatever he says next would meant the end.

Doc stared at you, his eyes wider than usual, probably surprised, but he controlled his emotions well, just as expected of an elite operator. You felt all hope left your heart just as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him, for a moment he looked like he didn't know what to do, like he was struggling with his own thoughts.

You felt his arms around you tightly, holding you like his treasure, and felt brave and encouraged enough to kiss him again. Only this time, you pulled out and rolled his mask up till his lips were exposed, and immediately you felt his hand reach up to stop you from unmasking him further.

You said nothing and pressed your lips against his, kissing him gently and longingly, and you felt your heart skip a beat when he kissed you back. You stood there kissing each other, head empty as everything else stopped to matter, and gave in to your feelings. It was then you realized that he had feelings for you too, and that knowledge made you ecstatic.

You didn't want to stop there, you knew you should. The better part of you told you it was wrong, but reason was overwhelmed by strong feelings. You gasped as you felt him break the kiss and lift you up and placed you on the table, his eyes fixed on you and his pupils dilated. He kissed you first this time as you clung onto his neck, not minding how the helmet was in the way.

"Doc..." You whispered as he suddenly stopped, snapping him back to reality. You didn't want him to stop there, so you pecked his lips as you undid you own jeans and panties. You wanted him, it wasn't going to stop there. You reached your hand down to his pelvis and felt the bulge beneath his uniform, and it made you want him even more, to know that even if he was silent, he wanted you too.

Noticing how hard he tried to restrain himself from his desires, you pulled your shirt up and tossed it to the floor, before unclipping your bra and feel the cold air on your skin, making your nipples perk. There you were, completely naked in front of him, and you could tell even just from his gaze that he couldn't hold himself back anymore.

"I want you." You said to him as you shuddered feeling his touch on your waist. His hands traveled from your sides to your hips and then thighs, you would like to think that he was admiring your body. Then, from under his breath he whispered to you.

"You are beautiful."

You blush at his words, and even more when you felt his lips on yours again. It was easy for your hand to find the zip on his pants since he wasn't wearing armor, and pull out his arousal. You stroked him and felt his kiss getting aggressive, and his member pulsated in your palm.

He lifted your hips a bit so you were aligned with him, his tip just gently resting against you. You were wet and you didn't need to check to know, because you were with him and you were going to be his. Not much thought passed through your mind other than him. You thought of no consequences of your actions, nothing. You didn't even realize that you were unprotected.

As he entered you, you gasped and held onto him for support. He was hard and warm, and throbbing inside you. You heard him let out a satisfied moan as he moved slowly and gently so you could adjust to the feeling of him. When he pushed himself all the way into you, you let out a short breath and felt yourself tighten around him out of pleasure.

It didn't even bother you that you were doing this in the office on his table as he began to pump into you at a steady speed. You moan said his name, his codename, every time you felt him push through your tight walls and hit your sensitive spot. You wish you had known his real name, because you would definitely be calling that instead.  He felt so good inside you, he was big and filling, and he moved with such care.

You tried to keep your moans to a minimum, but Doc was making it increasingly difficult with his more and more powered thrusts. You felt a heat in the center of your body and a tingling feeling rising as he sped up. The wet sound of his body slamming against yours pushed you towards orgasm even more.

Finally, you felt him harden inside you as he approaches his limit. You clung onto him as he whispered your name against your ear, his breath hot and panting. You told him you loved him and you moaned loudly as you came and rode it out with his continuing thrust. He didn't last much longer after you and let out a sigh as he emptied himself into you and kept himself bucked against you until his penis stopped pulsing inside you.

You found his lips and kissed him again, your face damp with sweat and you imagined him to be the same beneath his uniform. The taste of him lingered on your lips as he pulled himself out of you and cleaned himself properly. After a moment, while you were still busy recollecting your thoughts and panting, he spoke with an almost melancholy tone.

"Forgive me... I..."

He couldn't finish what he was saying before making himself decent again and exiting the room in a fleeing motion. You hurried and put your clothes on, but he was far and gone beyond your sight. It was then you lifted yourself off the table and rational thoughts began to catch up to you.

And they made you feel upset, the way he apologized and left. You felt the thrill of orgasm wear off and all that was left was.... nothing.

 

(Have this little bit for now, I'll update ASAP with what happens next.  There's a reason why they kept you around... the reason is most _definitely_ not for my convenience of writing smut, ahem.  Hope you enjoyed the read!)


	2. The Florence Nightingale Effect

You never saw Doc again for the rest of the day after what happened between you. As you stood in the shower, cleaning yourself from the sex, your mind wandered and betrayed you as you thought of him again. The memory of him was so strong and fresh, it made you sigh as you imagined making love to him under the warm shower and steam.

But you stopped your thoughts and hung your head low after you turn off the water. Shame overcame you as you remembered the way he left, just like that. You thought to yourself that you shouldn't be surprised, after all, it was something to be frowned upon, and you weren't certain how he felt about all this.

You put some new clothes on and went out of the guest room. When your hand rested on the door knob of Doc's office you froze in place, anticipating him to be behind this door but disappointed knowing that he wouldn't be. Regardless, you pushed open the door and went inside and was greeted by another operator.

"Oh, hello." He said, trying to keep his voice still, "How are you feeling?"

You recognize him as the one Doc mentioned. Blitz was his name, wasn't it? You nodded at him and said, "I'm feeling fine, thanks. You are Blitz, right?"

He seemed surprised that you knew who he was, but you quickly explained to him, "Sorry, Doc told me who you were, since you seem to be around here often."

"Ah, yes. I'm usually the guy who takes all the bullets, so every once in a while I come in here with pieces of iron stuck in me." He spoke fluent English, almost making you believe he is a native speaker until you saw the flag on his uniform. Black, red, and yellow, the colors of Germany. You remembered you were in Germany once, as an exchange student.

You didn't pay much attention to what he said, but you registered his attempt at humor. Unfortunately, you were still distraught from what happened earlier, and your mind couldn't focus on Blitz right now. You only flash him a faint smile before he fell silent.

You went over to the bed that you stayed in and sat on it, reminiscing all the little things that happened between you and Doc during the past three weeks. Memories played back and you forced yourself to stop. _He doesn't love you._ You thought to yourself, and that very thought was ripping through your heart and you could feel the pain.

"Anyway, seems like he isn't here right now, so…" He was staring at you, concerned, he knew who you were, but you didn't recognize him. If you hadn't been so busy feeling upset, perhaps you would have found his voice familiar.

"I guess I'll check back in a bit. It was nice meeting you." Blitz greeted you as you snapped out of your daydreams and took the hand he offered to you.

"It was nice meeting you too, Blitz. I'll see you again some time." You said, faking a smile on your face to hide your sorrows just so he would leave.

Later that night, you tossed and turned in your bed, unable to find sleep, because you found yourself constantly paying attention to any noise outside your door, thinking that it was Doc. It was driving you insane until you decided that you must get up and do something to occupy your mind.

You put on a simply pair of sleeping pants and opened your door, not expecting to find the man haunting your thoughts all day standing right there.

You froze as he walked into your room and closed the door behind him. The room was dark as you didn't turn the bedside lamp on, but you could see the outline of his face and hear him breathe. You stayed still, unable to find any words.

When he called your name, you felt the urge to throw yourself into his arms, but you held it back and waited. You were afraid, afraid of what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, "What happened… it was a mistake."

You felt your heart begin to sink.

"I shouldn't have… it was my fault. I wasn't professional."

You felt your heart begin to ache, and it hurt a lot. All you wanted from him was an answer. All you wanted to hear was whether he returned your love or not.

"Doc," It upset you even more to realize you didn't even know his real name, "How was it a mistake?... I love you. I wanted you."

You felt as if you were stripping yourself to the bone in front of him, and baring your naked heart for him to crush.

"You cannot love me. You don't know who I am, you can't know." His reply was sharp as a knife, but he didn't intend to hurt you. "You were… are, experiencing post-traumatic stress, it is natural to feel such attachments."

You felt your nose turn sour at his words. He was dismissing your confession as a disorder, as something you thought was real but wasn't, and it broke your heart. Maybe he didn't love you after all. Maybe you used him in his moment of weakness, and now he regrets it.

"So you…" You began, but the words formed a lump in your throat as you felt tears fill your eyes. "Don't…" You couldn't finish your question.

He said your name again and it stung. Now you could understand how much power names held over a person. "I'm sorry. I cannot." His voice was soft, but it was lead, pulling you under.

You wept silently and held your hand over your mouth so you wouldn't sob too loud. You were thankful for the darkness in the room so he couldn't see what a mess you were.

He placed his hand on your cheek which made you shiver a bit, just feeling that familiar glove against your skin again made you yearn, but that yearning had turned to pain. You leaned against his hand and cherished this feeling that could go away any moment now.

"Forget me, mon chéri (my darling)." He spoke as his thumb rubbed against your cheek. You took his gesture as him pitying you and it destroyed your spirit even more. You simply refused to think that it could have been his duty that prevented him from loving you, no. You believed firmly that he did not love you.

When he pulled his hand away from you and walked out the door, you knew it was over. You knew it would be the last you see of him and this nameless and faceless man you knew as Doc would disappear from your life.

* * *

_A Few Days Later_

After you dragged your miserable self back from the depression, you began to recover quickly from your old wounds. Just the physical ones, though, as you were still dealing with a slight post traumatic symptom. Rainbow had assigned a new medic for you and he was just as competent as Doc, but you missed him dearly. You often catch yourself wondering where he was and what he was doing, and of course, worrying over his safety. You also looked forward to leaving Rainbow so you could leave this all behind, however for some reason you have yet to receive any news concerning your status.

Blitz' visit seemed to become a regular thing, as you often found him around your quarter dealing with your new doctor. You felt the urge to ask him about Doc, but on the other hand, you figured the less you knew the better, then you could get over Doc and let your heart heal.

Blitz was nice company, though. You found him a charming and funny person to talk to, and finally managed to pick up on the similarity between him and someone you used to know. There was a boy, when you were an exchange student in Germany, who was called Elias and he would do all these crazy feats and generally show everyone a good time. The way Blitz behaved was similar to Elias, but you would never dare to think that someone like Elias would be among a group of anti-terrorism operators. Elias was very strong, though.

"So, tell me Blitz," You started to banter with him when he came around to visit you, it was strange of him to do so but you appreciated the company, especially after what had happened. "You are from Germany, right? I used to be an exchange student there, learned a few phrases. Germany is a nice place."

"You think so?" You could tell he was pleased by the statement, "Sprichst du Deutsch? (Do you speak German?)"

"Nur ein bisschen, ja (Only a little, yeah)." You replied, somewhat embarrassed at your accent, but you tried. "Mein Deutsch ist unter aller Sau (My German is under all pig/terrible)."

Blitz laughed at your reply for a good while, making you all the more embarrassed to speak since you thought he was laughing at you. He collected himself before speaking in English again, "I'm sorry, you speak very well. Please don't take me wrong, it's just so unnatural to hear a foreigner speak my language."

"It is supposedly a hard one to learn. I tried, at least." You sighed. "I don't understand, I'm fully capable of handling myself, why am I still held here like a prisoner?" You questioned him, not expecting an answer though.

"We must make sure that you are completely healthy before we are able to clear you." He replied.

"Do I not look healthy to you?" You questioned him again, not convinced by his reasoning. You knew there was something more.

"We rescued you from an extremely dangerous hostage situation, you were barely hanging on when Doc fetched you out of the building. I've seen your x-rays, we really thought you'd be crippled for life." He was getting emotional, and you could feel it, as if he genuinely worried about you. "You look fine to me, but we can never be too careful."

You smiled to yourself, somewhat glad that despite your old belief that people from the special forces were weapons and don't feel, these people at Rainbow seemed to be normal human beings, only that they were very strong and very smart.

"If you say so, Blitz." You said, the suspicion lingering on your thoughts.

That night, you laid in bed as your quiet thoughts were filled by Doc's image. Like many nights before, despite being heartbroken, you found that the best way to cope with it was to lie to yourself and weave yourself fantasies of him. So you reach down and touch yourself, feeling how warm and wet you were, and realize that you needed him. After every orgasm, every moan of his name, came tears that brought you back to reality. It was almost a self-destructive behavior, and you didn't know what to do with it. You just knew that you needed it, because it made you feel loved, even just for a few seconds.

You cursed yourself for being weak. How would he ever love you like this? He needed a partner, not a liability. You told yourself to stop, and be strong. A voice inside you told you that it wasn't the end of the world. It might hurt, but you could deal with it.

Little did you know that you loved him more than you thought you did. With each passing day, thoughts of him only seemed to grow stronger. He was a pestilence of your mind, and you couldn't get rid of it, or rather, you didn't want to.

Meanwhile, you and Blitz grew closer as you discovered how good he was at cheering you up. You even felt sad when he was deployed for a week to complete some mission, only to be relieved when you saw him return unscathed.

One day, you were told by your doctor that everything seemed ok and that you were free to go. You almost couldn't believe the news, having grown used to staying here. Your first impulse was to talk to Blitz about it, and as expected, he came to meet you as if appointed to do so.

 _"So,_ Glöckchen (Little Bell)! It's time to hit the high way, I'm sure no one is going to miss you." He had nicknamed you on his own accord, but you accepted the name anyway.

"I'm sure of that." You replied sarcastically, having grown used to his humor. Both of you smiled as he opened his arms offering you a tight embrace. You leaned against him and closed your eyes. Before you leave, you wanted to make sure of something first.

You kept yourself in his arms as you felt him letting you go, mustering your courage, you asked him.

"Elias, is that you?"

You felt no response from him whatsoever before he broke out an awkward laugh.

"Woah, don't go confuse me with some mathematician now. That is too hard even for me."

"You know, that's something he would say." You pressed and let go of him, knowing that he wouldn't answer you. You looked into his blue eyes and smiled. Even if he wasn't the Elias you knew, you were still happy that you got to spend time with him.

"I'll take you out whenever you are ready, then." He continued, "Oh… and don't take this personally, but we will have to mask you, for security reasons. Totally not going to spin you around in circles."

You chuckled at the remark and nodded, "I know, I know. I only have one last thing to ask of you Blitz."

"Hm?"

You felt that if there was a proper time to ask, this would be your last chance. "Doc… is he okay?"

"He is good, not dead yet, and thanks to me he hasn't taken a single bullet." His gaze focused on you, "Why?"

"Just wondering. I haven't seen him in too long, and it seems that I won't get to say goodbye to him either." You tried to not seem sad, but you were, and you were bad at hiding it, "He saved my life, and for that I will always be thankful. Can you… give him this?"

You took the necklace you wore from your neck and handed it to Blitz. Blitz took it and looked at it.

"It's a pretty piece, are you sure you are willing to part with it?"

You took a deep breath and nod, in fact, you didn't know why you wanted Doc to have it. Hell, he might not even cast a second glance at it, but deep down you hoped that he would keep it. Some hope is better than none.

"Tell him… tell him that he has my thanks. And I wish him well and safety."

Blitz dropped the trinket into his pocket and took out the mask he prepared for you. "Is that all?"

You nod as Blitz put the mask around your head and you held onto his arm as he escorted you out the door and through unknown halls. You swallowed everytime you hear a footstep, and imagined it to be Doc, standing there, watching you, but then you laughed at your silliness silently and kept following Blitz.

 _This is it,_ You thought, _I'm leaving all of this behind._

_But why do these tears keep coming?_

(Next up, you thought you're leaving, but you are wrong. It would seem that fate brought you and Doc back on each other tracks again. Leave a review and let me know what you think so far!)


	3. The Florence Nightingale Effect

Blitz helped you in a car before holding your hand for the last time. "Well, have a good trip home. It's been nice having you around, maybe someday we will meet again, in a more peaceful time." You held onto his hand, didn't want to let go.

"Thank you for everything, Blitz." You said to him. The past week would have been a lot worse if it wasn't for him.

"Sehr gerne, Glöckchen. Auf Wiedersehen _._ Alles Gute. (You're very welcome, Little Bell. Till we meet again, Wish you the best.)" He said before pulling you into his arm for a hug and patting you on your back.

You felt his hand leave yours and the door was shut. You sink yourself into the seat and let out a long sigh, a mix of relief and sadness. The car started and you let yourself get comfortable with the soft rocking of the vehicle.

You didn't keep track of how long or how far you were driven, but there came a sudden stop and you heard gunshot. Confused, you kept your body low as you tried to regulate your panicked breathing. You hear the window shatter and men yelling. The door was busted open soon and you screamed as you were dragged out of the car by a pair of hands.

You couldn't see, and it made everything worse. You hear these men, maybe 4 of them, converse to each other quietly. You begged them to let you go, but they laughed and knocked you out.

When you came to again, the mask on your face was removed. You look around, head still hurting from the blow, and found yourself in the middle of a dim room that felt like a basement. You were so scared and couldn't stop shivering. You felt it coming, the dreaded feeling of finding yourself captive again, and tortured again. You moved to see if you could free yourself but it wasn't possible, as you were duct taped to the chair you sat on.

You heard footsteps as a man came up to you. You recognized the white mask and felt something in your mind snap as you started crying a little. Not this again, no. They were going to torture you again, for no better reason than to entertain themselves, and they were going to make you sick again by injecting things under your skin.

"You didn't die, how interesting." The man said as he knelt in front of you and pulled out a pistol, shoving it against the bottom of your chin as you tilted yourself and cried in fear.

"I'm not going to kill you, not yet, so don't worry. You have been close to Rainbow, tell me what you know, what you saw."

You hated questions, because you knew you would never give them a satisfying answer. All that's going to happen is getting tortured. You steadied your breath, feeling the fight leave you.

"I was kept in a specific area, I didn't see much." You said honestly, wishing that he would believe you.

Surprisingly, he didn't hurt you. "I see. Then tell me what the doctors did to you."

You whimpered at the question, confused at first as to why he wanted to know, but scared of getting punished so you answered truthfully. "Recovery exercises… and… injections."

"Specifics? What was the color of the fluid?"

"I don't know… I don't remember." You looked at him with pleading eyes.

The man rose up and lifted your chin so you were staring at him. He let you go then went out the room to talk to his accomplices. You knew something bad was going to happen, but you couldn't do anything about it.

Soon, two men came to the room. You recognize the uniform they were wearing. Biohazard uniforms. You saw similar men when you were captured the first time, when they injected something into you. They held you in place forcefully and pushed a needle in your arm to take some of your blood. You were paralyzed, but knew better than to fight back. After they got what they came for, they took the sample of your blood and went on their way.

No one came to see you for quite a while. You felt exhausted and was about to pass out, but the man in charge returned. You anticipated that he's here to question you some more, or to kill you.

"You have made a great contribution to mankind." He said as he held your shoulders, excited.

"What?"

"Thanks to you, we will be able to develop a vaccine. Those that survive the purge will have you to thank, for you have given them new life."

"What are you talking about?" You were scared. They must have did something with your blood.

He held your cheeks gently and caressed you. "You are a god send. As reward, you will live among the rest of the chosen ones. The earth will be cleansed, and our mission will be complete."

"Can I go now?" You asked hesitantly. You didn't want anything to do with their plan, whatever it was. It sounded sinister, and you knew a lot of people would be hurt.

"No." He replied coldly, "You will stay because we need you."

"Please…"

"Don't be sad, can't you see that you are doing a good thing?" He chuckled, the mask made him emotionless and intimidating. "We will protect you and feed you, don't worry."

He turned to go away and left you in the cell to rot. You might not die from starvation, but you knew you would be mentally broken if you were kept here too long.

* * *

_10 Hours Later_

You heard men yelling and the ground shook beneath you. Rainbow was your first guess, and the thought of seeing Doc again almost sent you weeping. You held yourself together and kept your mind busy with positive thoughts. You reminded yourself that if you were to get out, you would warn Rainbow of what the terrorist told you, of this purging.

Gunfire grew closer and closer to you, and when the door to your cell finally opened you saw the suited man who took your blood rush in and quickly jabbed another syringe into your arm and took more of your blood. You winced at the pain as the man fled the scene. He must be running before whatever intruder could get him and his samples.

"She knows too much!" Someone yelled as the man in charge busted into your cell with his pistol in hand. He pointed the gun at your temple as you closed your eyes, thinking this was the end. There was a shot fired but it didn't hurt, and you opened your eyes to see the man fall before you. Someone had shot him before he could kill you and that someone rushed up to secure you.

You recognized his helmet and gear, it was Blitz. He cut you loose without a word and quickly pulled you behind him, "Follow me." He said simply before escorting you out of this hell hole.

The rest of his team were fighting as you took a hurried glance at them, expecting to find Doc, but he wasn't here. Your heart sunk a bit, but it didn't hurt too much. Instead, you focused on following Blitz.

Once you were safely away from all the gunfire, Blitz looked at you and shook his head.

"So eager in getting yourself in trouble, I see." You could tell he was worried, but tried to not show it.

"It happened so soon, they just attacked us. They killed the driver…" You felt bad, but at least you were alive, and this time without too much pain and torture. "They were the same people who abducted me last time."

"I suppose you should know, now that it's escalated this far." Blitz sighed and began.

"They injected you with something back then, didn't they? Now they needed you again to see how it worked."

You nodded as he continued. You recall the endless torture that challenged your physical and mental threshold and all the other hostages, the children that died from those terrible things the terrorists did.

"We let you go earlier because we thought you were clear of any infections… but as you know, they wanted something else from you." Blitz suddenly held your shoulders. "You must tell Rainbow what they did to you so we could stop them before it's too late."

"They were-" You started, but Blitz quickly covered your mouth to muffle you.

"Not here, and not to me, Glöckchen." He waited till you nodded to lift his hand.

You felt your heartbeat slowing down and return to normal. Being in the same situation twice had taught you how to cope. There was something you wanted to know, still.

"Blitz, is Doc…" You said in almost a whisper, embarrassed.

"He's not here, but back in the headquarters. Ah, he kept the necklace. I think you'd like to know that." Blitz was smiling behind that mask.

You felt a warm current in your heart at his words. Doc cared, after all. Perhaps you were wrong about him. About the two of you.

"Well… it won't serve too much purpose as a souvenir, now that I have to be masked and dragged back to your headquarters." You assumed, "At this rate, I may as well enlist."

Blitz chuckled. "Hey, if you could make it through Hell Week, I'll treat you to dinner."

* * *

_A Few Hours Later_

You relaxed as you were, once again, detained in this familiar single bedroom again as a guest. After meeting the director of Rainbow, you felt a lot better for some reason. It felt good to be involved in something, something important. You weren't sure what it is yet, but you felt your information was valued and that was all that mattered. All your life you'd been following rules and doing what is considered "ordinary," but this time you have the chance to become a part of important history.

The only thing you needed to get better at, was actually surviving to see this through. The streak of abduction had made you weary of the future. What if they weren't done with you?

Your new doctor ran some more examinations on you before giving you an OK. You expect yourself to be released by tomorrow, with a better escort, of course. If anything, this would be the last chance to see Doc again.

Night fell shortly and you were preparing for sleep. Your bed had been cleaned and sheets replaced, and it felt nice to sleep somewhere familiar again after all the panic and adrenaline rush. You sat in the bed and let your thoughts wonder.

A knock came from your door as your heart raced at that sound. You were afraid to open it, but you knew you must. Bravely you stood up and opened the door for whoever was behind it, and as soon as you saw him you held your hands over your mouth.

"I just want to see how you are, and talk." That familiar French accent came through as Doc closed the door behind him and stared into your eyes.

You nodded, speechless. Tears welled in your eyes but you controlled them to not fall.

"I see my colleague took good care of you. I read the reports. I want to apologize for what happened to you. I should have thought more carefully on these possibilities. It was my mistake."

You smiled faintly, "It's not your fault that you don't know what the Terrorists did and wanted from me, Doc. You're forgiven." The last part created a lump in your throat. Damn him and all the emotions he rouse in you.

"Thank you, but I also… want to talk about us."

It was difficult to tell how he was feeling with the mask on, but the tone in his words betrayed his otherwise calm appearance.

"I thought about what happened, and I…" He let out a sigh and continued, "I can't stop thinking about you."

Your eyes were finally overwhelmed by tears. So he did care, all this time.

"I am a doctor, my duty is to save lives and help people live better. It is not right for me to take advantage of someone vulnerable. And for that, I am sorry, but these feelings… It had never been like this before."

You pushed yourself into him and felt his arms around you finally, the same warmth, and a hint of cologne. You missed this so much. All the pain in the world had ceased at this moment when you were in his arms and the thoughts that had always troubled you, resolved.

He said your name and caressed your hair, waiting for you to say something.

Gathering yourself, you wiped your tears and replied with a shaking voice, "You never took advantage of me, Doc. You were there when I needed someone, and I relied on you. I kept asking myself whether this was real or was it my mind playing with me because you saved my life… but now I know, I want to make something out of this. I want to try this, with you. I want my feelings to stand the test of time, so you can see that I meant it, when I said I love you."

You felt his arms tighten around you after your confession, and slowly he replied, "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me. Are you certain that this is what you want? Not being able to see me very often and having the knowledge of what I do?"

You looked up at him and kissed his mask, your crying face breaking into a smile, "Do you trust me?" you asked.

All of the small talks and memories came back to you, happy memories of often deep and emotional conversations between you. You knew immediately you wanted to know this man as more than just 'Doc.' You wanted to know the man beneath the uniform and helmet, his past, his stories, his thoughts.

"I do."

"Then this might just work out, Doc."

He let go of you and unmasked himself for the very first time. You felt your heart pause for a second as his face was revealed to you, the missing pieces of the puzzle connecting, and he was no stranger anymore.

"It's Gustave, mon chéri." He smiled. He was exactly how you thought he'd be. Handsome, with only slight details here and there that betrayed his years. You had always thought him older than you, from the way he talks to you and the way he cared for you.

"Nice to meet you, Gustave." You answered blushing before kissing him on his lips. It was warm and gentle, and you felt something other than carnal lust for him, something much more soothing and calming that made you want to linger in his arms forever.

He kissed you back deeply but held you like a delicate flower. You don't know how he managed to make you feel this way, how he drew out all your wants and needs and slowly light you on fire. You broke the kiss and whispered, asking him to stay. He said nothing and watched as you undressed yourself swiftly, followed by himself doing the same.

When he laid you in the bed and began kissing all over your body. Wherever his lips went, you shuddered and waited eagerly for the next contact. He took his sweet time preparing you, kissing and sucking gently on your nipples and fingering your wet spot below at the same time. You knew he liked it when you squirmed and let out occasional quiet moans.

You gasped when you felt his fingers enter you. He hushed you with a smile and kissed you as his fingers pushed in and out, massaging your sensitive spot. You stared at him with pleading eyes at the end of the kiss and pressed your hands on his muscular body. He was so gentle and slow, unlike last time when you were both consumed by impulsive lust.

He wasn't the most patient man, however, and you felt and played with his hard erection as he teased you. You felt his pre-cum in your palm, and you bit your lips. His kept himself busy fucking you with his fingers and you could feel waves of pleasure with every push. You were close, and he knew.

When he rubbed his thumb over your clit, the sensation sent you over the edge as you turned your head to moan into the pillow beneath so no one else could hear your sweet moans of his name. You found it hard to breathe for a while before turning back to look at him, and you found him with a smile that could melt your heart.

"That was very cute." He commented and withdrew his fingers from you to kiss your cum off them. "Turn around."

"Hmm?" You blushed and was puzzled, but did as he told, now with your face in the pillow. He ran his hands down the sides of your waist until he reached your hip bone and brought your body up close to his. You got on your knees and elbow and tried hard to not moan when you felt his tip just barely knocking on your wetness.

Then, you felt him push himself inside you inch by inch in no rush. He intended to let you enjoy every moment of his advancing as he held you by your waist and thrusted in slow and gentle motions. You called out his name as quietly as you could and closed your eyes to focus on how he felt, and he felt wonderful.

When he picked up his speed and the wet sound of him smacking against you filled your ears, you reached for the pillow so you could muffle all the noises you were making just for him. He noticed this and brushed his fingers down your spine, making you shiver while keeping up with his thrusting. You couldn't do it, couldn't hold it in. You were going to cum again.

His balls began to bounce against you when you felt his fingers found your clit again. You begged and panted into the pillow, until you let go and gave in to the release. He bucked himself against you and came right after, pushing himself as deep inside you as he could and filled you with his love. You were both motionless for a few seconds before he pulled out of you and let you relax and fall onto the bed.

"Was that good?" He laid down beside you and asked in his calming voice. You turned to him and saw his breast rise and fall as he breathed. He caressed your cheek lovingly and let you catch your breath.

"Of course." You brought him close and kissed him, smelling his cologne again, now mixed with a slight scent of sweat. You could still feel the dampness between your legs, but you didn't mind.

"I'm going to miss you." He brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

"I'll miss you too, but I'll be there for you." You saw him smile at your words and knew that was what he needed to hear. When morning comes, it wouldn't be the end; it'd only be the beginning of something beautiful, and you knew in your heart it would be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes the Doc x Reader story, for now :) Stay tuned for other potential pairings!


	4. The One That Got Away (Blitz, Bandit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader x Blitz and Reader x Bandit? It's complicated...

You were standing in the shower when you felt a familiar pair of hands grab you by your waist. You sighed and continued washing yourself, letting your neck tilt to one side so the one standing behind you could gain access to your skin. How long has it been? A few months, at least, since you started this affair with one of your teammates. Things were tough back in the boot camp, having to be young and alone and constantly pushed to your limit, but when you became the new recruit of Rainbow, things only got worse.

He continued kissing your neck as you washed yourself, not protesting, only receiving. You reminisce about how you two came to be, the memory was a little bit hazy but you managed. His name was Elias, or Blitz, it didn't matter. Here at Rainbow, you all referred to each other by first names outside of missions. You remember being the rookie and made fun of, but not in the bad way, people were generally playful, especially Elias. He was someone of your age, so young and full of vigor that he looked like he walked fresh out of school gates without his armor.

Things escalated quickly between you, it felt like finding the right match, and you both clicked in all the right places. It was shortly after your first mission together that you two became somewhat committed partners, at least as committed as it could be. You remember him jogging with you in the morning, bringing you drinks, and of course, the way he asked you to be his, just like a school boy.

It really seemed out of place at the time, to think that a man so well trained and disciplined and made to be the perfect weapon against the terrors of this world would ask someone out and actually behave human. You thought about it for a while, but then you realized that you were just the same, and both of you had been missing something in your lives, and you had been searching.

You gasped lightly as you felt him playing and feeling around your lower body, pressing and rubbing at the right places. You tilted your head back away from the water and called for him.

"You are going to make us late." You said with a soft frown.

"Well, I guess I better hurry." He gave your earlobe a nibble and lifted you up and against the wall. You smiled at him when you felt the cold tiles against your back and wrapped your legs around him. As promised, he entered you swiftly in a fluid motion and began kissing you passionately. You kissed him back and felt yourself move against the wall under his force.

The water was still running and you were worried that the other girls might intrude, but worries dissipated as Elias roughed up and made you moan with pleasure. God, he always felt so good. He seemed to always be ready, too; spontaneous sex was no stranger between you. You wouldn't be surprised if the others were already aware of your relationship, but you honestly didn't give a fuck. You were certain the others have their own fun, too, so why can't you?

"I'm close." You told him and he grinned. Your hands found the roots of his hair and pulled gently when he started to go for the finish. His length slid in and out of you with ease due to how lubricated you were, and he was rock hard and hot and ready for release.

You felt something bloom inside you and you buried your head in his neck, biting down to try and suppress your own orgasm cries as he pushed himself all the way inside you and came. Your back was rigid for a few seconds before you relaxed and leaned back against the wall, away from him. He smiled at you and dropped your legs to the floor, then pulled you into his arms for a kiss.

"Do you always start affairs with new girls?" You raised an eyebrow and teased.

"Just you." He said with an honesty that was unusual for him, and it made you feel warm. "I'll see you later."

He walked out of the shower and left you alone again to resume cleaning yourself.

Females were a rarity among Rainbow, but there were still a few besides yourself. They are all lovely and strong women, with qualities that you look up to and compete against. The time spent here had been very beneficial to you both physically and emotionally, and you felt growth like you never had before.

Having Blitz by your side as someone you could count on in both battles on the field and in the sheets was definitely a plus, and one you wouldn't trade a better job for. Bar days were where it's at, though, it had been the nicest gathering you've ever been to. Everyone from Rainbow drank and sang (badly) and danced (even worse). Fun times all around.

You finished up showering and quickly got yourself ready for tonight's gathering. As you put on your clothes you wondered how many people will attend and tried to recall who was on active duty and who wasn't. You were certain however, that the Germans would be there. They were _always_ there.

"Hey, look who's here!" Immediately you were welcomed by the group and you took your usual spot on one of the couches. You turned your head to the bar and saw Jaeger hard at work mixing drinks. Blitz had just downed his glass and said something in German to Jaeger, which was probably to ask for seconds. He spotted you and smiled, you returned the gesture but did not say more. There was a code between the two of you and you made use of it while in the presence of others. No need for public demonstration of affection as it really wasn't necessary.

"Ah, the sweetheart is here." said Bandit, he was poking around a piece of electrical ware out of boredom.

"Would you like something to drink? Cocktail?" Jaeger asked you.

"Just the usual, thanks." You answered and the man went back to work.

The coffee table in front of you was littered by glasses and snacks, it would seem that someone already started the party before you arrived, and that was fine. You took a piece of the leftovers and snacked on it as Blitz and Bandit resumed their conversation.

"Anyway, as I was saying. The guy came in with an axe and everyone in the school panicked, I think they ended up arresting him but whether the guys was mental or not was left to debate. I think he probably was just too nervous over the exams." Blitz said.

"I wouldn't be surprised. I've seen enough crazies in my life." Bandit added, "Anything interesting happened to you while you were in school?" He turned his attention to you.

You thought about it for a moment. "High school was ok, I guess. Did some voluntary services and breezed through it. If anything my then-boyfriend was very nutty."

Bandit looked at you with confusion, "Nutty?"

Blitz laughed, "It means crazy, Dummkopf (stupid)."

"Was he crazier than me?" Bandit looked at you with an intense gaze.

"Well, I'm pretty sure if he knew his way around electronics, he won't hesitate in using it on me." You laughed nervously, "Like I said, _very nutty._ "

"You seem to attract all kinds of guys, huh?" Jaeger added as he brought the drinks to all of you.

You took the glass and nodded thanks. "Girls too, sometimes. It's hard trying to find a balance between being fit and feminine."

"Ever kissed a girl?" Blitz asked with a grin.

"Are you trying to start a 'never have I ever' game?" You sighed and stared at your beloved, knowing fully that it was exactly his intention. It was a fun drinking game, though.

"Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex." He simply said.

You looked around and saw none of them had touched their glasses before letting out a reluctant sigh and took a sip from yours.

The Germans began laughing and Blitz jabbed your side, "I knew it, tell us all about it, hmm?"

You felt the alcohol go down your throat smoothly and began your tale, "It wasn't like how you think, alright? It was more experimental than erotic, I was young, she was very attractive. My turn now; never have I ever gotten arrested."

"Wow, your life sounds boring." Bandit mused as he drank.

"Does it count if it was purely a mistake?" Jaeger asked.

"If the cuffs were on you, drink up." You grinned.

The inventor drank in silence as Blitz rose his hand, "Do bedroom cuffs count?"

You raised an eyebrow at him, curious as to whether he actually fancy that. "For the sake of seeing you drink, I'm going to say yes."

Blitz sat back in the couch with a smug look. "Sorry to disappoint, then."

"Oh stop it, you'd be begging as soon as some chick proposes it to you." Bandit interrupted.

You gave Blitz the look as he chuckled, taking a note in your mind to try it out next time. The thought of cuffing him to the bed and ride him turned you on a little bit, of course, you wouldn't mind being cuffed either.

"There aren't a lot of things I haven't done." Bandit said in deep thought, "Let's see… never have I ever kept a pet."

"Wait, are we talking about animals only, or?" Blitz said half-joking.

"Why don't you specify _after_ you've drank?" Bandit smiled evilly.

Jaeger drank and said, "I've had two pure bred retrievers. Good dogs."

You drank afterwards, and so did Blitz. "Cats." You said as you turned to Blitz.

"First of all, I did own a pet and it was not another human being." He explained so Bandit would withdraw his predatory gaze, "Second, it was a dolphin."

All of you stared at him with a big _what the fuck_ look on your faces before he elaborated.

"What? Part time job at the zoo. I wanted to try it out, and I got the part."

He was never short of surprises, it seemed. You smiled and acknowledged his unusual experience. "I feel bad for that dolphin, for being intelligent enough to understand your banters."

Blitz looked at you with a betrayed look as he held his hand over his heart, "Ouch, meine Liebe (my love). No need to say it out loud, Jesus."

You all laughed before it was Jaeger's turn. He cleared his throat and rubbed his chin, "Never have I ever… had an affair with someone from my workplace." He sat back and crossed his arms, obviously gloating and expecting all of you to drink.

You and Blitz exchanged a look before he raised the glass first and emptied it. Bandit began snickering as he followed Blitz. You felt the urge to blush, but you kept your face straight and drank from your glass.

"So? Stories?" Jaeger pressed, eagerly waiting.

"Girl from the Reiter. There were lots of men who wanted her, but she chose me." Bandit explained. "She was truly a Hell's Angel."

"What about you, Elias?" Jaeger looked to you two, you had a feeling that he had a hint of what was going on between you. "You don't seem the type to be unprofessional, unless I am wrong?"

"Well, maybe you are." Blitz grinned, "She was a lovely lady in India. I had a lot of pleasure during my stay there."

"Into Asians, are you?" Bandit teased. "Didn't know the NSG* accepted females."

"Oh yeah. They were the best." Blitz continued, "Fierce and beautiful women. Wouldn't hesitate to shoot your balls."

Jaeger nodded, "Sounds like you had your share of fun."

You felt slightly jealous at the mention of his other affairs, but you swallowed it and pretended you heard nothing. You didn't want Blitz to see that you cared so much.

"And you?" Jaeger asked.

You replied with a wink, "There were plenty of good-looking guys in the barracks, what do you think?" You shot Blitz a look intentionally, trying to see if he was affected by your words. "Sometimes they masturbate to me at night, thinking I wouldn't hear them, but little do they know."

"Ah, the stories in the boot camp." Bandit sighed, "Everyone's got their needs."

"So I picked the cutest of them and slept with him, just like that." You finished your tale and took another sip from your drink. "The main concern was getting caught, though."

And so the game continued and everyone took turns and drank and before long it was getting late. The boys were very tipsy and you were feeling a little out of it yourself. Eventually people stopped drinking and began using the toilet more often. You sat comfortably in the couch and snacked on chips and watched the on-going show on TV. You felt an arm behind you and saw that it was Jaeger resting his arm on the ridge of the couch.

"You feeling okay?" Jaeger asked you as you nodded. Your mind was a haze and you felt nice and warm.

"If you want to, you can rest your head on my laps." He offered, "I promise to be a gentleman."

"Awh, thank you Marius." You said before lying down on him. You closed your eyes for a moment and hummed at how comfortable it was, you felt like you could fall asleep.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Bandit exclaimed as he came back from whatever he was doing. "You two getting it on?"

Jaeger snorted and kept his focus on the TV, "What, jealous?"

You giggled while keeping your eyes closed, listening to the exchange.

"Well, she is my type, but someone probably beat us to it already." You felt your legs being lifted before a weight sank into the couch, and your legs placed down again on someone's laps. You opened your eyes and saw it was Bandit, and you were lying there like a plank between them.

"Guys, you do know I'm still with you right?" You protested but was feeling comfortable.

"Ah, Elias. Natürlich (of course)." said Jaeger as you lifted up your hand.

"No German!" It was amusing, but you knew almost next to nothing of their language.

"You do know that we all speak at least two languages. What's yours again?" Bandit asked.

You rolled your eyes and began, "我会讲什么二外关你屁事 (Not your fucking business what my second language is)."

"Oh, I think she might have said something nice about you just now, Dominic." Jaeger laughed and said to Bandit.

"Ich mag dich auch sehr, meine süße Freundin (I like you very much too, my cute friend)." Bandit grinned at you with wicked intention, you could guess what he just said must have been something teasing.

"去你妈的 (Fuck you)." You said with a laugh and grabbed a piece of broken chip from the table and tossed it at Bandit's head. He laughed too and grabbed his unfinished drink to take a sip.

"Leute (Guys)! Having fun without me?" Blitz returned from his bathroom break and found the three of you as you were. You looked at him and saw that there was a slight disapproval in his eyes, you guessed it must had been how you were positioned between Jaeger and Bandit. You toss him a seductive smile, to which he replied with a light sigh.

"Just stealing your girl, nothing else." Bandit said coolly and Jaeger chuckled.

Blitz was stumbling over what to say when Jaeger helped him out, "You really think it wasn't obvious?"

You got up and cleared your throat, trying to clear up your head but the alcohol kept you from acting completely cool. Blitz shot you a smile and shrugged at the others, "I was wondering when you slowpokes would catch up."

"I told you." Bandit said to Jaeger and smiled at you when you lifted your legs off him, "You just can't pick someone else can you, Eli?"

You blushed at the statement, thinking that perhaps Bandit did harbor good feelings for you, but it didn't matter. You were in a secret relationship with Blitz and you intended to keep it that way, even if the secret has been spilled. Although, you couldn't deny that Bandit did have his personal charm.

"So how long has it been?" Jaeger asked.

"Since the last op." Blitz took the question that you were going to answer, "Hey, keep it to yourselves now." He warned the two. It was no joke if your relationship status was made known to the authority, there would have been consequences.

"You have my word." Bandit said quietly and Jaeger nodded in agreement, only then Blitz relaxed and sat himself down on another couch. There were still drinks left and the bar was far from dry, but you couldn't bring yourself to down another glass or shot. You needed to be up and ready early in the morning so not having a hangover was in your best interest.

"I'm surprised the Russians aren't here tonight." You looked around the bar and said after a moment of silence. "Didn't know they are active."

"The younger ones, probably. Not sure what Alex is up to." Jaeger commented.

"Probably tinkering with his LMG." Bandit added, "I should electrify it sometime."

"Yeah, if you want to get your head smashed in." Blitz laughed, "He'd know it's you."

The boys drank a few more rounds before Jaeger excused himself and called it a night. You bid him good night as the three of you sat in the quiet lounge. You could see Blitz' slightly pink face under the light, and knew that he was slightly intoxicated. You lifted your hand and read the time from the watch on your wrist and sighed.

"Good times always last so short."

"You should probably rest. Both of you." Bandit said.

Blitz gave Bandit a look before turning to you, "I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."

You smiled at him and did a little wave with your fingers. "You too, good night Eli."

After Blitz left, you quickly said your good night as well and got up to get ready for bed. Not much went through your mind as you brushed your teeth and cleaned your face, smelling a trace of alcohol in your breath. You hoped you didn't drink too much, as your face was a little red, and that you'd be fine tomorrow.

You walked out of the female bathroom and felt someone grab you. Before you could react, you felt lips on yours. You pushed against the man and struggled out of his kiss, putting a distance between you you could see his face, and it was Bandit.

Without hesitation you slapped him across his cheek, the impact stung your palm a little. He did not flinch, he only smiled suggestively, and it made you feel uneasy. A part of you liked it, but another part told you it was wrong. You licked your lips and tasted blood, and realized that you had bitten him in retaliation.

"I told you you were my type." He said calmly, and it sent a shiver down you. Personality wise, Bandit was of a completely different world than Blitz. Blitz was friendly, the good one in the neighborhood, and Bandit was everything he wasn't. Bandit was the outcast, the rebellious brat that you'd see vandalizing the streets late at night. If there was one thing in common between them, it would be their prowess in the field and excellent marksmanship.

"That doesn't give you the permission to kiss me." You said, dead serious. "Don't do that again."

He placed his hand beneath your chin and gently lifted your face. "What if I do?"

"I'll probably knee you in the nut."

"You say like it's the first time for me." He grinned.

"No, but it will be your last." You tore yourself away from him and began walking back to your room, trying to not think about what happened. You could still taste the hint of iron of his blood on your lips, and it made your thoughts wonder. You blamed the alcohol as your imagination went to a dark place, an unfamiliar territory, and it frightened you at the same time excited you.

You shouldn't tell Elias about this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSG: The National Security Guard (NSG) is an Indian special forces unit. 
> 
> stay tuned for more :)


	5. The One That Got Away

The next day, after you've done your morning routine with training and breakfast, you were pulled into a briefing about the upcoming targets and were given intel. It would seem that the terrorists were on the move again, and there were a few potential targets for Rainbow to keep in mind of. The briefing was short and after you were dismissed, you figured you wanted to go to the practice range for a few rounds. It was still early.

The range was sparsely occupied by your comrades and you picked a spot and settled down with your gadgets and guns. You looked across the range and saw your dummy for today, the usual Caucasian male smiling with his hand in the air. You vaguely remember naming him Fred, but you weren't sure because the last time you saw Fred, its face was barely recognizable.

You placed the ear protection muffs on and began emptying bullets into Fred #2. You practiced for almost an hour in different positions and with everything you had in your arsenal. To top it off, you pulled out your trusty pistol and practiced headshots.

Someone came over to your booth and leaned themselves against the table. You took a glance and saw their arm, and dropped your shooting. You took off the ear muffs and turned to find Blitz next to you.

"I didn't know you hated white men so much." He mused. You smiled when you found his cool blue eyes staring at you. He looked so very different when he had his mask on.

"Just because I'm shooting at something doesn't mean I hate it. Usually if I don't, it shoots back." You retorted.

"Oh? I should propose this idea to Emma (Twitch), I'm sure she could upgrade your dummy for you." He chuckled.

You frowned and shook your head with a helpless smile, thinking to yourself just what qualities you saw in this man that stole your heart. It seemed that no matter your mood, he always found a way to cheer you up. You placed your hand against his cheek and caressed it before turning your attention back to the scattered gear on your table, preparing and packing them up.

"Remember that time when you shot me?" Blitz asked.

You mentally rolled your eyes. Yes, how could you forget? It was a stupid and careless mistake and you were so worried that you forgot it was only a simulation, not the real thing.

"Will you stop bringing it up every time?"

Blitz laughed, "It's okay, I've forgiven you. I was lucky that you have such a bad aim."

It was around the time when you freshly joined Rainbow and there was a hostage situation simulation. You partnered up with Blitz and, having performance anxiety and various other psychological issues, you were quite trigger-happy. You knew the hostiles outnumbered you, so you were, upon reflection, a little bit too careless. Blitz was scouting the area and had vanished from your sight for but less than five seconds, and the next time he showed up, you put a bullet in his shoulder. Needless to say you felt like an absolute failure and so shameful and distraught over it that the director probably considered arranging therapy for you.

"Hey, at least I never made that mistake again. Not when it mattered." You said pouting, "Wanna get lunch together or do you have stuff to do?"

"Sorry Schatz (darling), need to help train the recruits."

"Already? Wow, I've been here long." You were surprised how you weren't a rookie anymore. Time flies.

"Yeah, we've scouted out plenty of talents, and those that made it here gets to hear my amazing voice every morning."

It wasn't a bad voice; you liked hearing it say your name. "Mmhm. Catch you later, then?"

"Let's hope soon." Blitz' gaze softened and you knew then he wanted to kiss you, but you were in public and naturally he didn't do anything about it. He only took your hand and squeezed it lightly before leaving you.

You watched him go and then went back to packing your stuff. After returning the equipment, you checked the time and it was about time for lunch, if not a bit earlier. You could check the cafeteria right now, but you wanted to use the time you had for a little bit of fitness training before letting yourself chow.

After the training and an ordinary lunch, you found yourself back at your dorm smelling of food and sweat. You thought to yourself that it was a good time for a shower before you hit the bar again. Whenever you were in between deployments, the same thing always happens. It'd be day after day of similar routines then hitting the bar, waking up in the morning (preferably not hungover) and doing it all over again. The bar was a nice place to meet new recruits, though, if not to chat up with your friends.

As you passed by the hallway where you encountered Bandit last night, you felt the shadows around you move. It was almost as if they were alive and shifting to your every move, and you found yourself paranoid about what happened yesterday repeating today, right now.

But the moment passed and you flew by the spot where he found you last night, and straight into the showers you went. Letting out an embarrassed sigh, you began undressing yourself and letting your heart settle. As warm water ran down your body, you wondered how Bandit managed to disturb you so. As much as you'd like to admit otherwise, his actions did affect you significantly. You hoped that this was just a phase, much like waking up after a vivid nightmare, and it would eventually fade. There was no way to be certain, though, and you must deal with how you felt the best you could.

The encounter that you were weary of never happened. You expected to run into him at least once today, because it really wasn't hard in the base with only a dozen of operators; it just didn't happen. A part of you felt relieved, since less contact meant the thought of him would cease eating away your brain, but the other part continued to anticipate. The feeling never truly left you until you were at the bar all freshened up and surrounded by the familiar lights and bottles of liquor.

You looked over to the taps and found Twitch minding the bar, rummaging the cupboards and whatever storage space beneath the bar counter, and appearing to be looking for something. You went up and rested against the counter and Twitched cursed in French. She was on the younger side of all operatives, but at Rainbow, age meant little other than a number. Twitch was brilliant, smart, and give her a gun she'd be sure to do her part right. She was an excellent observer and was always eager to learn and help.

"What's up?"

She lifted her head for a moment to see who it was, then went back to rummaging. "I can't find the Bourbon that I swear I saw here just a day ago. Did the boys empty the whole thing?"

"Yeah about that… me and the Germans might have cleaned up the reserves a little bit last night." You said half apologetically.

Twitched stopped looking through the bottles and came up to meet you eye to eye in disbelief, "Consider me impressed, because a lot of those bottles are missing. How are you?"

"Good, bored. I'm here, aren't I?" You smiled with a shrug.

Twitch nodded, "I get you. It's been a little bit slow, but don't let it fool you. We're gonna have a lot of work to do soon enough, enjoy this while you can."

"Even without the Bourbon?" You joked.

"Even without it, unfortunately. I think Elias is growing on you." She gave you a mischievous look and you pulled yourself back. "Oh don't look so surprised, it's obvious what's going on between you." She chuckled.

You touched your cheek in embarrassment and thought to yourself if you need to tone it down a little bit with Blitz even though you were barely interacting in an affectionate way in public already.

"But no, really. It's a good thing. Knowing what we do, we might die tomorrow, or the day after; it's always the risk. So love when you can, especially if he's the right one." She encouraged. "Not to mention that he's pretty cute."

"I'm… glad you think so." You said, taking in her words. Were you going steady already? You weren't sure. A part of you never could admit to being in a formal relationship with Blitz, and the thought of commitment...

She smiled at you and poured herself a drink that probably wasn't her favorite, but one could always compromise. "Alright, sit. We haven't spoken in a while."

You followed her and grabbed a glass of your own choice of drink and sat in the couch. You talked about your day, about the briefing, and of course, of last night. You skipped the part where you met Bandit however, thinking that the information would best be reserved for now.

"So you mean to tell me that Elias was a zookeeper once?" Twitch said half-laughing, hardly containing her surprise after you told her the dolphin anecdote. "Oh my, _Blitz the Dolphin Whisperer._ "

"We all thought the same thing, it was bizarre. You should have been there last night, where were you?" You asked.

"Well, I had to check on Julien (Rook). He still hasn't recovered, but he's making progress. I told him that his plates probably need an upgrade, hah. Besides, I don't want to compete with the Germans in any drinking game."

You felt a slight concern for Rook after hearing the update, but knew in your heart that the medics would bring him back on duty in no time. "Even the Russians weren't here."

"Now, that's news. Any minute now, though." She finished her drink and stood up, returning to the bar for another glass.

"Great, thanks, Dominic. I guess nobody's touching pale ale anytime soon."

You turned your head at the mention of Bandit's name and saw Twitch with a disappointed face.

"Why?"

"He electrified the tap. Sneaky, thinking that I wouldn't spot it." She scoffed and got something for herself from the other tap.

You smiled to yourself. Yep, of course he'd do that.

"The SAS guys are in for a little zap." Twitch said before taking a sip from her beer, "Mm, not bad."

"Does it ever weird you out that they are absolute MRE* enthusiasts?" You mentioned. Man, those people had a very different definition of 'good food.'

Twitch almost spilt her drink as she tried to withhold her laughter. "Did I ever tell you about that one time when we were at a siege?"

"No. Was this Jaguar?" You said as you recalled one of the operations.

"Before that. So we were deployed to extract this important guy, I think it lasted about a week, and _every single_ mealtime transmission were these guys talking about how amazing their nutrient bar was and how 'flavorful' and 'succulent' the palate was." Twitch said with a grin, "Central didn't appreciate the talks, but it was a way to relax in between the fire. I enjoyed them."

You chuckled, amused by the story, "Did you know they even tried to sneak some supply out for snacks?"

Twitch opened her mouth in a silence gasp, "No way. That's against the rules."

You shrugged, "Apparently they did. Or maybe James (Smoke) lied to me..." You narrowed your eyes in contemplation. Smoke was the most talkative one out of the bunch, and of similar age to you.

"Mike (Thatcher) won't let that happen, he's way too by-the-book to just watch them sneak out MREs, even if he enjoyed it himself." Twitch giggled at the mention of one of the oldest operator on the team, " _Stewpid fookin' lazer sights._ " she said mockingly in an accent.

"Hey, it's not nice to mock someone for their accent now, Emma." You said, but laughed with her. Everyone in Rainbow was distinct with their own characteristics, it was really great to have them for company.

Time flied as you conversed, and soon the bar began to get populated by recruits that had just completed their day, as well as other Rainbow operators. You looked and searched for Blitz, but you didn't find the burly German among them. Curiosity took you over as you excused yourself from Twitch and the others.

"Awh, where are you going?" The French protested.

"Just gonna check on some stuff, will take just a minute." You answered shortly.

"Mmhm, sure." She flashed you a know-all smile and let you flee, resuming her conversation with the rest.

You headed back to the dorms, but not to your own. You stopped by Blitz' room and immediately felt your heart palpitate with excitement. You remembered all the times when you sought him out and stood right here, in front of his door, as he opened it and welcomed you into his arms and bed. You remembered the sex, the good times, and the memories are luring your body into that familiar state of warmth and tingle.

You knocked on the door and expected a response, but there was none. Slightly disappointed, you knocked again, but again there were no sound of movement.

You figured that maybe he wasn't in and decided to grab some cards from your room and get back to the bar. This side of the dormitory was quiet until you turned a corner and caught Bandit leaving his room. He immediately spotted you and you felt the anticipation that's been building up throughout the day resolve into a momentary daze. You were actually legitimately at a loss as to how to react and tongue-tied when you really shouldn't have been.

If Pulse were around with his sensor, he'd be getting some interesting numbers right now.

"Hello." Bandit said simply, but one word was powerful enough to convey his feelings. His voice had the usual calmness to it, deep and very pleasing to listen to.

"Hey." You replied, hesitating, "Have you seen Elias?"

"No." He stared at you with a gaze that you could not decipher, "Missed him?"

There was a hint of venom in his voice. You decided to leave him be, but Bandit wouldn't let you do that. As you passed him, he grabbed you by your wrist and halted you in your path. You stared at him with a soft frown.

"You are looking at me like that again." He had a subtle smile on his face. "Why don't you tell me how you really feel?"

You were confused for a moment, but deep down you knew clearly what he was referring to. You were petrified in his hold and could do nothing but listen to his siren's song. You could feel your heartbeat quicken, and your muscles tensed.

"I don't know..." You began, but you weren't sure what to say. You were so close to each other and you found your gaze betray you and wandered to his lips, remembering the kiss last night. It was the forbidden fruit but you couldn't help wanting to take another bite. "…Dominic." His name rolled off your tongue smoothly and you knew what was going to happen.

As if reading your mind, Bandit lowered his face and gave you a short, passionate kiss that you did not resist. The will to fight had left you, and you realized you had fallen victim to his charm, with no one to blame but yourself. You kissed back, engaged yourself in this fight for power, refusing to back down and let him treat you like some simple girl; together, your kiss only grew stronger and stronger, neither refusing to back out and let the other triumph.

It was passionate and destructive. You hated him for making you do this, at the same time hated yourself for liking it and following through. As his lips left yours, you kept your eyes fixed on him, mind in utter chaos. If you lingered in his kiss longer, you knew you'll start to bite him again.

"Elias may have you, but I always take what I like." He let go of your wrist, but you stayed in place. "Look at you. We both know you'd be in my bed soon enough."

You shifted your gaze away with your lips still wet, feeling your cheeks burning. Something seeped into your skin and you weren't quite sure what it was, although you knew it came from him. It awakened your wild side, something that made you who you were, and it's a wildness you've always liked. Blitz could not provide this, it was a particular kind of thrill you wanted that you sought in Bandit.

"Don't speak to me like some kind of whore." You murmured. The imagery of being intertwined with him in bed invaded your mind, tempting you. Bandit was always brutally honest and his words struck true.

He chuckled, "You haven't heard me talking to whores, then."

"I'm leaving." You said, unable to stand another moment next to him. What were you doing? You made out with him and betrayed your relationship with Blitz, if it was as serious as you thought it was. This wasn't like you at all, but here you are, running away from the crime scene, too cowardly to look back.

You didn't have the mood to join the others at the bar after that, so you ditched all plans and went back to your room. Once inside your small space again, you let your thoughts free and fell into your bed with a heavy sigh.

This should have been the part where you hit yourself in the head and tell yourself what happened was wrong, but you didn't. The kiss you shared with Bandit? It felt good, it felt… desperate. What were you really running from, then?...

It hit you suddenly. What you had with Blitz, whilst comforting at times, was slowly evolving into something else, something that required commitment, something that would last.

And you were afraid of that. Every time Blitz kissed you and held you in his arms, you could feel his sincerity and dedication. He wanted you, no doubt, and you wanted him, too, only in a different way. Oh, god. What would Blitz think if he knew this? How would he feel, if he knew you weren't one to commit?

You took the pillow and hugged it. You need a deployment soon, so you could leave these emotional business behind for a while. You hoped that Blitz wouldn't come looking for you tonight, but that hope was shattered when you heard a knock on your door. It was that rhythm, it was him.

You pulled yourself up from the bed and opened the door for your lover, knowing that he would come in and lock the door behind him, that he would take you into his arms and kiss you, and tease you and make love to you in the most wonderful ways all night… but you also knew you would not feel the same way as you did before, and that a small part of you prayed he did not love you as much as you thought he did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MRE: Meal, Ready-to-Eat is a self-contained, individual field ration in lightweight packaging for use in combat or other field conditions where organized food facilities are not available.
> 
> (Hope you like everything so far :) it's been fun writing these)


	6. Hell's Angel (Bandit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story about your time with Bandit in the motorcycle club.

The inside of the club house was dark, with only colored lights coming from the neon on the walls, outlining the cloaked skull of the crest of Die vier Reiter (The Four Rider), which stuck out as the center piece of the strip club, along with the 1% patch right next to it. You were smoking by the bar, not chatting with any of the boys because you weren't in the mood to; they were busy watching the show anyway. The stereo had Diana Birch's _Staring at You_ playing and you listened to the pleasing beat and followed it with your heart, remembering how you loved this song.

You were a formal member of the motorcycle club's charter in Hannover. You'd been here long, and you loved your time here pursuing thrills and doing what you liked.

You had a fight earlier with Lukas, president of your club, the alpha male to your female, the man whom you had been sleeping with, not because you loved him, but because you needed another warm body to get through the night, and Lukas did the job well. The Reiter rarely accepted females among their formal ranks, but you were the exception; your past experiences and deeds, as well as your bastard of a father's connections and power, had earned you a rightful place among these masculine men. It was a little rocky at first, being mistreated was a general problem for women hanging around here, but you weren't taking any of that shit. You were a fighter, and a damn good one at that, and you were even quicker to get aggressive than the guys. It was only natural that you'd fight with Lukas over issues, stupid ones.

You had told him to go fuck himself, and you two fought, hard. The bruise on your body and your still bleeding nose was proof of that, but nothing hurt as much anymore, your body was used to the pain. You knew that tonight he'd come right back to you, expecting you to accompany him in his sexual desires, and you were having none of that.

No, not even if you were as horny as a dog. Tonight, you'd rather be with someone else than that piece of human garbage. You thought to yourself quietly as you snuffed out the cigarette in your hand, imagining you were squishing Lukas' stupid head like a bug. You turned and looked around the room, there were a few guys hanging around, including yourself. There was a woman dancing on the pole, a new girl called Julia that Lukas fetched to entertain the club members; she was probably a prostitute fished out of the shadier parts of the city, but adequate at her trade. You two never made eye contact as you watched her dance for the boys lounging on the couches. You scoffed when you noticed Heinrich and Peter mesmerized by Julia's moves and twists, her body shaking and welcoming, and you knew with whom she'd be laying with tonight.

Men, they were all the same. They were simple-minded animals, such was your belief, until recently.

A shoot-out happened just past weeks and killed a few of your brothers. It was a gang conflict between the Reiter and a small local club, no-namers, really pathetic scums with no class in your opinion. You were caught in the fire and you fought alongside your people, but everything was chaotic in the crossfire. You remembered seeing people fall, bleed, the usual, and all you could remember was unlocking the safety and pulling the trigger. Bullets whistled past your ear and you never flinched, as if you secretly had a death wish, but someone was there to take you away from the scene. He pulled you and almost forced you away as you continued firing towards the general direction of the fleeing gang.

That man was Dominic, or Dom for short. He was a fresher face among you, but still having 2 years in your club as an official member. Dom was a quiet one, darker and moodier than the others, and you could sniff something on him that was clearly out of place, but you couldn't put your finger on it. Dom was cool, at times chillingly cold and apathetic, but he was someone that you trusted to have your back, especially after the shoot-out. You blamed him for a long time for pulling you away from the scene, but after a while you began to appreciate his actions, because you'd surely be in jail if it weren't for him, and fuck the jail. You'd bite off your own tongue than rot in a cell.

You licked your lips and wiped under your nose with a tissue, finding some more leftover blood from the fight with Lukas. Dominic appeared in the room and you immediately focused your gaze on the man. He was handsome, strong, and he walked with the usual calculated dominance. He sat down at the couch and joined the others in watching Julia dance. His eyes did not wander nor lust over the prostitute like the others; all you could see was how he lit up a cigarette and began smoking in between chatting.

You tossed the bloodied tissue away and hopped off the stool to go behind the bar and pour yourself another drink. The alcohol stung your throat as it went down, and you embraced the sensation. You kept your gaze on Dominic and contemplated his character. The man was a drop-out, a natural rider, and a betrayer. You could still remember how it felt to ride with him, to sit behind him on his beautiful dark Harley. He was a man of little words, but his actions were loud as thunder. He had electrified his own twin brother and caused the latter to be hospitalized and slightly disabled for life. That was the kind of guts he had, and you digged that very much. _Fuck familial connections, yeah_. You thought to yourself. Your own father was an abusive asshole who did nothing good for you save bringing your miserable self to life, and there wasn't a single day in your life that you didn't hate him for that.

He used you, everyone always had, and you were sick of it, so you joined the Reiter, to be in charge of your life again, to feel alive again.

The more you thought about Dom, the more you find yourself fancying him, perhaps looking forward to spending the night with him. The only man you slept with in the club was Lukas, and you regretted that stupid choice. Dominic would probably turn out no different, but hell, anyone at this point would do better than Lukas.

God, you hated Lukas with a burning passion, but he was a brother and you'd never dream of killing him, unless of course, he pulls the gun on you first.

Dom laughed and it caught your attention again, letting you forget about Lukas and all that. You saw him turning his head at you and you shot a smirk at him, to which he replied with a ring of smoke towards your direction. Your smirk faded and you stepped towards the pole where Julia was dancing and pushed her off it, claiming the space for yourself. The prostitute shot you a frown and held her shoulders before some other biker came along and brought her elsewhere. Dom was expressionless as you glared at him, unforgiving at his earlier act of disrespect. You took the pole and slow danced to the beat of the music, your favorite song, and kept your eyes on him. You ignored the surprised looks of the other members on the couch and tunneled your vision on Dominic only, with him smoking and watching you carefully. You moved your body off the pole and closer to him, not caring what the others thought. You seized the cigarette between his fingers and brought it to your lips, kissing it and sucking in the chemicals, feeling the rush, and held your breath as you pressed the still burning bud onto his leather jacket, satisfied by the action, and blew out the soft smoke all over his face.

" _Staring at you, staring at me. It's a slow dance, but I believe…"_ The stereo played gently.

He didn't even blink as you continued dancing above him, his expression calm as ever. You smiled in amusement and let the dead cigarette bud fall between his legs and lap-danced on him to your heart's content. You needed the release, a peaceful way of redirecting all the pent up anger in you. Dom never moved and you heard Henrich telling him, "She's pretty good, isn't she?"

"You're blocking my view." You heard him speak finally in his authoritative voice. There were no annoyance in his voice, only a matter-of-fact attitude.

You rose an eyebrow, "Fuck your view." you said nonchalantly and kept dancing. You let your body bend and curve in all the right places, not trying to be seductive, just establishing your feminine power and dominance over him.

You kept on until the end of the song and stopped as the final note faded. You stood up straight again as the other guys watching clapped for you, but Dom remained motionless. You stepped off and away from him and returned to the bar as the music resumed again, and the men and Julia continued their activities as if nothing had happened. You poured another drink for yourself when you realized that Dom had his gaze fixed on you, and knew that something had changed between you. His eyes were hot and intense, holding an untold story. You smiled to yourself at the knowledge, it was all good fun, like games you play. It was never this fun with Lukas.

Speaking of the devil, Lukas had joined the socializing of the evening. He exchanged handshakes and hugs with the members, as well as friendly introductions to the guests. In the eyes of an outsider, Lukas might seem charming and you'd admit, it was difficult to not fall for the guy, but when you really get deeper inside of him, you realize that it was just all a charade. You loved ripping off that mask of his and force him to show his true colors, even if that usually meant angering him.

You turned your back against the crowd and lit another cigarette for yourself. You felt someone tap on your shoulder soon enough and you turned around with an annoyed look.

"How are you, darling?" It was Lukas, grinning like a shit-eating monkey, and it made you want to puke. It wasn't like he couldn't see the bruises and the dried blood beneath your nose.

"I'm doing just perfect, Lukas." You said sarcastically, "Why don't you go bother someone else tonight, I wanna go take a hit."

A momentary dark look flashed over his face before he smiled and rubbed your cheek. You actively avoided his hand as he turned away and went elsewhere. There was no way you'd let him take you home tonight.

But you did need that hit, just to reach the high so you could be functional again. You excused yourself and went to the bathroom, taking out the magic powder you had in the pocket of your club jacket and laid it out on the counter carefully, cutting it into neat files, lines of pleasure. You pulled your hair back and leaned down, holding one side of your nose shut and inhaled with the other. Instantly the rush overwhelmed you and you tilted your head back with a relaxed sigh. God, it felt so good. You stared at yourself in the mirror and smiled, your makeup was still in good shape, no need to reapply.

After you take your dose, you went out again and joined the others. You began talking a lot more and laughing a lot more, like how you usually are after a hit, and you enjoyed it very much. Some groupies wanted to hang out with you and ask how was it possible that a woman was accepted by the Reiter as equals, and your answer was simple. Learn to ride, to hold and fire a gun, and to not take shit from anyone. The girls admired you, as you could tell clearly from the looks in their eyes, but you got it often enough that you cared little.

Out of the corner of your eye you caught Dominic bantering with a girl, outsider, and the two seemed to be very engaged in the conversation. A strange jealousy overwhelmed you and you wanted to be in that girl's place. You felt a deep resentment for them, but you weren't going to ruin the fun just yet. You wanted to go for a ride, but it was getting late and the party was getting smaller and smaller. It was majority club members now with a few groupies still hanging around doing bar work and chatting up their guy for the night. Dom was still engaged with the girl and you were worried, hell, she was taking your man for the night and you weren't gonna let that happen.

You walk over to them and signaled Dom that you wanted to talk and he happily oblidged. "Get your helmet, we're driving."

"Where to?"

"Your place." You said shortly and went out of the house to find your Harley. You grabbed the helmet and placed it over your head as you started up the engine. The beast of a machine roared beneath you and you waited for Dom to show up. When he did, the two of you disappeared into the night, leaving the club house behind your fumes.

Dom's place was decent, tidier than you had imagined. It was almost too carefully decorated and suspiciously clean, but you let the thought slip your mind. As far as you knew, Dom was one of you.

"So we are here, what now?" He stood staring at you and questioned.

"I'm sick of Lukas." You confessed, "I don't want to be with him tonight."

Dom crossed his arms and said coldly, "What do you want from me?"

"Whatever the fuck you are willing to provide." You sat down at the dining table and brought out the remainder of your fix and prepared to sniff.

"Want some?" You offered, and he shook his head. You took the hit and sat back, letting out a satisfied hum. The world around you shifted and changed, you felt truly at peace and one with yourself.

"Lukas wouldn't like it if he finds out his supplies are missing." Dom commented, glancing at your face as if examining the bruises.

"Yeah, look at all the fucks I give." You giggled, the euphoria taking over your brain, making you forget, setting you free. "Good stuff."

"This is from the shipment to the Panthers, isn't it?" He asked. The Panthers was a long term trading partner of your club, you dealt in white powder and colored papers, running quite a scene in the surrounding area.

"Yeah." You answered, playing with your hair a little bit as you watched him with dilated eyes. "I took daddy's quota, am I a bad girl?" you said with a foolish smile.

Your father was a well-known local king pin, a man with considerable power, but he had never been a good father. You treated him like you would a stranger, as was appropriate in your eyes. You were solely responsible for your own survival till now, and you didn't owe him a thing. Your interactions were strictly business oriented nowadays.

"You should cut down on the dosage." Dom said rationally, "You'll get yourself killed one day."

You laughed, "Awh, Dom, you care about me?"

"Do what you please."

You stood up and went up to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and stared into his deep blue eyes. "You please me, can I do you?"

He smirked, unexpectedly, and placed his arms around your waist, "Isn't that what you came for?"

You felt like you were turning into a pile of goo from how good it felt as the chemicals worked their magic in your brain. Damn, why was he always so cool?

You nodded and smiled seductively, "Don't play hard to get."

"You have been eyeing me all night. I think you are the one playing hard to get."

You were so close, enough to feel his breath on your face. You wanted to sleep with him, to conquer him. You want to win, as it was in your blood to triumph, to explore the unknown, to trespass into danger, and Dom was all of those.

"One night, deal?" You pressed your body against his. No strings attached, you just needed someone to bring you pleasure. Someone to use.

He squeezed your waist, with tranquil eyes he said, "Deal."

Even with that, he was still so calm and collected. If this was Lukas, he'd already be loosening your bra. You didn't hesitate and pressed your lips against his, locking him in a hungry kiss. Dom tasted nice, certainly better than Lukas, and he returned your kiss with an equal, if not more passionate, desire. You felt his hands wander around your body, soon your jacket fell off, the symbol of the hooded skull looked great on his floor, in but a short moment his own jacket had also fallen off, and you moved into his bedroom.

You stripped for him after pushing him onto the bed, slowly and deliberately teasy. You revealed patches of tattoos to him, as if you were continuing the lap dance before. There were roses on your skin, and of course the club crest, which you intend to wear forever. You brushed your hair back and climbed on top of him, straddling him between your thighs and touching his face in the dark. You let your hand travel down the muscles on his chest and abdomen, down to his pelvis, and stroked him. He was ready for you, but what's the fun in cutting to the chase?

"How much longer do you intend to tease me?" you heard him say in between your kisses and fondling. He reached a hand up to caress your cheek; how strange that he always felt so distant, but his touch was gentle and warm.

You grin and bite his lower lip softly, "For as long as I want."

He suddenly grabbed you by your wrists and pinned you down beneath him, towering over you and finally giving you a taste of how strong he was. Dom was not the heaviest man in the club, but he was just as strong as the others, if not more. You could see his arm tattoo from the corner of your eye.

"I always take what I like." He said with a hint of threat in his voice, it sent shivers down your spine. "So no, you will tease me for only as long as _I_ want."

You couldn't help letting a moan escape your throat when you felt him rubbing himself against you. The early high you got from the drugs was still lingering around and it made your mind soar, coupled with his stimulation. You've always liked taking control in bed, sometimes even detested the feeling of letting the guy hold you down, but with Dominic, it felt acceptable. Even so, you still struggled in his hold, attempting to free yourself so you could teach him who he was messing with.

He hushed your little moans with a deep, aggressive kiss and you fought right back with your tongue, your body arched like a bow against him, but he kept you down. With a sharp sensation that was also slightly painful, you felt him enter you. You moaned between his kisses and he rewarded you with strong and slow thrusts. Your wrists were becoming numb, but you didn't mind it at all; he moved against you with vigor, and you thought he was going for the finish.

But everytime you thought he was approaching orgasm, he would slow down and continue tormenting you with your own orgasm building up. Finally when he freed your arms, you pushed his body back and sat on him as he knelt in the bed, you rejoiced for having a little control again. You let your arms around his neck and moved up and down his length while staring into his eyes. In the dark, you couldn't see all the subtle expressions on his face, but what you couldn't see were felt under his touch, as his hands moved along your back, outlining the curvature of your body, finally resting on your butt. He squeezed you demandingly and you moved your hand to his under chin, tilting his head upwards so you could kiss him.

You fucked until you were completely spent and the sweet bliss of orgasms had worn off. Dominic sat on one side of the bed and had his back against you. You reached and touched his lower back in a loving motion; Sex with him felt better than Lukas, like, a lot better. Maybe it was time for you to break it off with that asshole.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" You asked.

"As long as you don't make a mess." He replied coolly.

You smiled and turned to the other side and got comfortable for sleep. His bed was harder than the ones you were used to, but it was still pleasantly molding to your body. Sleepy thoughts was beginning to take over your mind when you felt the weight on the other side of the bed disappear, followed by quiet footsteps out the door. You paid it no attention, you didn't care.


	7. Hell's Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will conclude this story :)

You took the time to dress up and clean up before leaving Dom's place in the morning. He wasn't there when you woke, so you assumed you'd meet him some time in the club later. You rode out with your Harley and contemplated whether or not you should go pick up some breakfast. Your hair smelled like Dom's shampoo and you were mesmerized by the scent inside your helmet as you rode.

You were almost never this early to the club house, but of course, there would always be someone beating you there. Lukas owned the place, and so he lived on the top floor. You sneaked past the kennel and entered the place via the garage. In the center there was an unfinished paintjob on a motorcycle, which you assumed to be one of Lukas'. The bastard never got tired of doing work on his precious babes, unless he was taking a cocaine break. At the thought of coke, you wondered if you should check up on the Panthers to see if they needed you for a deal.

Well, not you, really, it was your father that they needed. The Panthers figured out soon enough into the business that you were the key to cutting good deals with your father, oblivious to the fact that you hated your father to the bone.

Even if they knew, you doubted it would make a difference. You were merely a medium, a pawn, and they all wanted to use you.

"Don't think I didn't see you come in." You turned towards the voice of Lukas as he walked into the garage with his arms crossed. There were specks of white under his chin. Good, at least he wouldn't hit you when he's busy being high.

"Where the fuck were you last night?" He pressed.

"None of your business." You replied, "I'm here to pick up some packs for the Panthers."

"I don't recall them asking for a shipment."

"That's because they contacted me, not you." You kept your voice iron, "You do realize that I'm the one handling all the transactions?"

He had a mocking grin on his face, "Oh, so _you_ are running the club now, hmm? Taking care of our business and cash, right?" He moved closer to you and you instinctively backed up slowly. You could smell trouble coming your way. Lukas always behaved like this before he got aggressive.

"I am the one who built this thing. I brought this club to existence!"He shouted and you looked away from his face. He was spitting saliva like a barking dog and it was disgusting.

"Fuck off, Lukas." You said and swiftly walked away. You remember there were spare packs in the lounge, you hid them under the couch. All you needed do was grab them and get out.

"I'm not finished talking to you, bitch." He bellowed, but you were done. You moved through the club and got what you needed then hopped onto your bike again. You didn't want to fight him because you weren't in the mood to, it was pointless anyway, and you had better things to do.

You rode straight to the Panthers with packs of cocaine hidden inside your jacket, taking great care on the road that you weren't being tailed by cops. They liked picking on the Reiters, and you knew they'd stick onto you like metallic powder to magnet if they caught sight of you.

Thankfully it wasn't a long way and before you knew it you arrived at the Panthers' sanctuary. It was an insignificant house amidst condos that all looked exactly the same. The front was decorated with only a simple IKEA welcome mat and a couple of wind chimes. The names below the doorbell weren't real, at least you thought they weren't. You rang the bell and waited.

A man opened the door for you and met you with a smiling face. You greeted him before walking inside, into the heart of their world, and the smell of hookah and undone laundry invaded your nostrils. You raised your arms so the man could run a rough security check on you; yeah, as if you'd wander alone into their nest with a firearm. You knew they hadn't the balls to harm you in any way, so there was no need for you to bring a weapon. Blood was bad for business, and the Panthers were smart enough to know that.

You felt his hands linger on your body for longer than what was necessary and you shot him a suggestive smirk, half-teasing half-mocking him, and he quickly withdrew his hands. Inside the living room was a table with money and glasses and guns, and a few Panther members were chatting. They all wore black bandanas that covered their nose and mouth, for the sake of secrecy, you guessed, you never understood why though.

"She brought some." The one who searched you said behind you.

"Show us what you have." The Panther sitting in the middle of the couch said.

You unzipped your jacket and took out the nice little packs of cocaine and laid it on the table for them to see. The men were interested and turned their gaze to you.

"What's with this surprise shipment?"

"I need cash." You said simply. You were running short on euros and you desperately needed to bank up again, without having to steal from the club vault, although it had been very tempting.

"We all do. Let's check the goods then, shall we?" The man grabbed a pack and prepared it for his enjoyment while the others looked forward to join in.

You watched them take the hit and felt the itch to have some yourself, but for the sake of being professional, you suppressed your desires as best as you could. You could wait till you get out of here.

"Ahh fuck, that's some good shit." The guy threw his head back and sighed in satisfaction as the others had more or less the same reaction. You took out the pack of cigarette in your pocket and lit one up for yourself.

"We'll give you regular for these." He spoke again after a while.

You shook your head and took the cig out of your mouth to hold it between your fingers. "No deal. I need more for smuggling out club supplies."

"How much more?"

You scratched the underside of your chin. "Give me forty more and we'll shake hands."

"Twenty."

"Thirty." You followed up.

He chuckled and signaled the other guy to get the money, "Alright, thirty it is."

You remained calm and smoked as the fellow went back to snorting his happy drug. The money was neatly rolled up for you and you opened it to flip through the notes, making sure the numbers matched, before wrapping it back together with a rubber band.

"Pleasure doing business with you as always." You said and snuffed out the cigarette in a crystal ashtray they had on the table and made your way out their door. The money roll felt good and secure in your jacket.

You went back to the club house and found Dominic parking at the front door. When you took off your helmet, the two of you exchanged a short look before Dom went into the bar. You dropped the keys into your pocket and followed him.

There were already a few guests, mostly girls, sitting in the bar watching a movie playing on the wall by the projector overhead. You took no interest and went to the bar to grab some liquor for yourself, thinking about how to spend the fresh cash that you just got. Perhaps some new shoes, and a new sweater. Maybe save up a little, bit by bit. One day, you wanted to get out of this shithole, to America, perhaps. Somewhere nice.

"Lookin' good." Henrich said to you as he poured your drink. Strange that he was the bartend, but you guessed he did so because he had his girl sitting over there. _A man's gotta please the ladies._

"Thanks." You took the glass and gulped it down from how thirsty you were. "Where is Lukas?" You asked as you kept your eye on Dominic, who went up to chat to the girls.

"Probably upstairs. I told him we'd be expecting guests."

You didn't give a damn about what Lukas was doing, you only asked because you wanted to be as far away from that asshole as possible.

"How are things between you and Kat?" You asked. Henrich and his girlfriend Katherine had been dating for a while and he'd always bring her over for gatherings. They looked cute together, seemingly stable, too.

"Don't tell her. I'm planning on proposing tonight." He eyed his girlfriend then back at you nervously, "Keep it a secret, yeah?"

You laughed and winked at him, "My lips are sealed. I didn't think you'd make a move on her so fast."

"She's worth it, she's the one. I know." He explained and filled your glass. "I shouldn't be nosy, but…"

His question was lost and interrupted by a loud greeting as you felt an arm around you immediately. The familiar cologne made you frown.

"My love, I've missed you." Lukas attempted to kiss you but you moved out of the way just in time. Henrich shut his mouth and pretended to be busy and left you two to talk.

"Go away, I don't want to talk." You hissed. Why did he always have to show up and ruin your mood?

That drew the last straw, though. Lukas' face turned red as he pushed your glass off the bar stand. It shattered upon impact and you stared at him with disbelief as everyone else looked this way.

"What the fuck is your problem?" You got off the stool and stood in front of him, challenging him bravely even though he was a head taller than you.

"You're my fucking problem." He pointed his finger at you and you glanced at the guests, feeling sorry that they had to witness this.

You looked back at him and told him, "Fine, if you want to talk, we'll talk somewhere else. You don't need to ruin their fun."

You began walking towards the other end of the bar, towards the hallway that lead to the VIP strip club, and stopped just around the corner so you could deal with Lukas in private. The big man came around the corner and stared you dead in the eye before slapping you across the face, catching you off guard. You bit your lip and held a hand against your cheek. It stung and your hatred for him deepened.

"Where were you last night?" He went straight to the point, and you weren't scared to answer. Frankly, you were getting tired of his pathetic behavior like some over-attached yappy dog.

"I was with Dominic. We fucked and it was great, happy?" You spat back at him with a cruel smile, knowing that it would wound him.

"You little slut." He growled and grabbed you by your neck, his hand closing in on your windpipe dangerously and you fought back with your arms and legs. You kicked him hard in the shin and he limped and let go of you. You backed away from him while coughing and found the switch blade in your pocket and had it at the ready.

Lukas laughed seeing your gesture. "Bitch, I could take away your patch."

"You are welcome to fucking try, asshole. See how many Reiters agree with you." You scoffed. He might be president, but he could not take away your status as a member of the club alone. "Stop pestering me, I'm done with you."

But Lukas was like a berserker in the sense that the more challenged he was, the more eager he wanted to fight. He charged towards you and you managed to slash his arm with your blade, leaving quite a nasty gash, but not enough to discourage him. He grabbed your arm and twisted it behind your back and forced you onto the wall as you cried in pain, your palm opening to drop the blade. He was incredibly strong, which was not surprising given his size, and you felt as if your arm was going to crush under all that pressure.

With his free hand he reached into the pocket of your jacket, both outside and inside ones and pulled out your belongings one by one. A pack of cigarette, lighter, keys, an empty wallet, and finally your fresh roll of cash.

"No!" You shouted, desperate. You didn't want him to take away your money.

"So this is what you stole from me, huh? Oh you're getting punished for this." He tucked the money in his own pocket and grinned. "You stealing bitch."

"Give it back!" You tried to struggle against his hold, but God it hurt too much and you were afraid to move more.

"It about time someone teaches you some manners." You heard him say as you felt him grab a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back, and smashed your head hard against the wall. The first blow left you dazzled and deaf, you felt an enormous amount of pain but a second wave came immediately after and you felt hot blood rushing down your forehead. Lukas didn't stop.

He hurt you mercilessly and every part of your body was on red alert, all you wanted was for the pain to be gone.

"Stop." You said weakly, the survival instinct made you beg. You thought he was going to kill you.

"Lukas, enough!" You heard voices, and the force behind you disappeared. You fell to the ground and held yourself against the wall, seeing sparks in front of your eyes. You felt a pair of arms trying to help you up and you took it.

"Come on." It was Henrich. The others probably pulled Lukas away. You wanted to cry, but your pride forbid you to. You said nothing and bit your lip as Henrich escorted you to the opposite direction, to the strip club. He placed you on one of the couches and went into the locker room for some first aid supplies.

You rested there and reached your hand up and felt blood, cursing Lukas and still shivering from shock. He could have killed you, maybe he would next time. You couldn't imagine what would have happened if you weren't alone, and this was only the beginning; the motherfucker won't stop until he defeats you completely.

"Hold still. Oh goddammit, he really went too far this time." You heard Henrich comment as he cleansed your wound with alcohol wipes. It hurt and you winced. You saw the pure white wipes turn red with his move and knew you were hurt bad. Your head felt worse than a hangover and it was surprising how you still managed to stay conscious and somewhat able to make sense of everything.

"I'm gonna kill him." You said darkly and you meant it.

Henrich paused for a moment, "Don't do that. The last thing we need is a civil war."

You said nothing until he finished patching you up and you thanked him before going away. Henrich offered you refuge at his place, but you declined. You had other plans. He was still concerned about your condition until you convinced him that you would be fine on your own.

You came across Dom again as you wandered around in the club kitchen for some snacks and drinks, trying to distract yourself from the pain through eating, and being very careful as you didn't want to run into Lukas again. Dom looked at you and examined your condition without showing too much emotion. You figured you must have looked ridiculous with a big bandaged head but you didn't give a fuck, being busy brooding your anger for Lukas.

"We confined him in his room, he shouldn't be a problem for the rest of the day." He said calmly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fucking amazing." You said sarcastically and took a bite out of the apple you'd been snacking on. Fuck, even chewing on food hurt your head. Everything sucked. Lukas took your money, and now you have nothing, nowhere to go. Desperate tears rushed to your eyes but you kept them in check. _Not in front of Dom._

"You can stay at my place, if you wish."

"Thanks, Dom." You said quietly. It was nice of the guys, but tonight you weren't going anywhere.

He brushed his hand against your cheek and you looked at him, not expecting him to do that.

"You look great."

You couldn't help letting out a small smile at his gesture, even though you were unsure of what it meant, "I know, right?"

* * *

That night, when the noise inside the clubhouse began to die down and you made sure no one other than Lukas was left in the house, you went into the dark garage and found the gasoline canisters. You opened one and began splashing gasoline around the place, the garage floors, and then the lounge, the bar (that extra firepower from the liquor would do nicely). You made sure to not miss the stairs, so that bastard couldn't make it down. You wanted him to suffocate and die in agony. Tonight, you're taking him to hell.

When you returned to the garage again for a fresh canister, you found Dominic standing there watching you and your heart skipped a beat. He was supposed to be gone already.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"You are not supposed to be here." You said and dropped the empty container. The entire place smelled of gas. "Leave."

"I'm not going to let you burn down this place." He took a few steps towards you. "Enough is enough."

"It's none of your fucking business." You glared at him, "Get out."

"If you hate him so much, take a gun and shoot him in the head."

You laughed, "Oh no, that would be too easy for him."

"You're acting like a child."

 _Why can't he just drop this?_ You sighed and held your ground stubbornly, "What do you care? You're just like everyone else."

He had a complicated look on his face when you said that. Maybe he was different, but you wouldn't know.

"If you truly want revenge, bide your time and strike when it hurts. If you do this, you'd only become an arsonist, probably arrested, and have your patch removed with a unanimous vote. Is that what you want?"

You wavered at his words. The club meant everything to you, it was your home, but you couldn't stand this home with Lukas in it. You would have to leave, like how you left your father, but you didn't want to. It was either you or Lukas and there was no other way as you saw it.

"I don't fucking know." You said, feeling defeated and finally doubting your choices. You hated admitting it but perhaps Dom was right. "I want him out of my life."

He was silent for a while before he spoke again, "Then stay with me."

You stared at him with a soft frown, unsure of what he meant by that.

"I don't care what you do. You want a place other than this club to stay in, you can have my keys." His voice was still, "Now help me clean up this mess before the others find out."

He went away to get absorbents and you stood there quietly for a moment to reflect on your actions. Soon enough you joined him, and you spent all night soaking up gasoline and working to correct your mistakes. There was a strange feeling of your spirit being lifted a little as you cleaned the club house floor by floor. The two of you were a good team, and you were secretly thankful for him showing up at the right time and talking you out of madness. This was a side of Dominic that you never knew about.

That night you followed him home, tired and still in pain, so you spoke little. He fed you and was checking his phone as you ate, you took a glance at him from time to time to see what was happening, but his expression gave nothing away.

"Hey." You called him gently and he looked at you.

"Thank you."

It wasn't like you to appreciate someone else, but you thought he had earned it tonight.

"Let's hope Lukas chills tomorrow." Dominic put his phone away and watched you finish up your food.

You smiled back, "Yeah. Maybe. Not like I want to be too much of a trouble to you."

You thought this was a temporary thing, and soon you'd find ways to make cash again and hopefully get a place of your own, but never in your wildest dream did you imagine that you'd be staying with Dom for the next two years, getting to know him and discover yourself on the way, and realizing for the first time that you didn't have to be such a hardass and so difficult all the time.


	8. Hell's Angel

A lot of things changed in two years, but at the same time, a lot of things didn't. You were still using from time to time, still short on money, still having problems with your father, and still trying to work your way out. You got and changed jobs, none of them lasting more than a couple of months, and you were unemployed again. Money seemed to slip through your fingers much too fast, but you couldn't see that it was your own expenditure on drugs and alcohol that led to an empty wallet. It hurt when you tried to quit, it was tearing you apart from the inside and you felt as if you'd die. You couldn't bring yourself to go to rehab.

But aside from the bad stuff, there were lots of breath of fresh air in your life too, and many of them were related to Dominic. He gave you a place to stay, a place to sleep and eat, and even if he didn't ask for any, you compensated him with the only way you could. You were friends with benefits, roommates, but also so alone in each of your own rights. You never imagined him to be such a private person, keeping whatever secrets he had well-hidden and out of sight, although it did help that you weren't one to pry. You grew closer with each passing day, and his companionship made you feel somewhat okay again.

As for things on the club side, Lukas finally got what he deserved and went behind the bars. It was a great riddance, really. Scum like him was sure to be caught one day, although you worried about what would happen when his time would be done. The club now elected Henrich as the new president and the man was happily married just this past year to his long-term girlfriend. The club took on an entire different atmosphere under Henrich's organization, there were more businesses and parties, less blood-shed, but also more high-risk reward trades. You remember counting cash in the cashroom until dawn, and staring at mountains of cocaine and various drugs as well as an overloaded armory. For a while, everything felt like it was going to be okay again, but you still stayed with Dom, either out of habit or your growing affection towards him. You even began to look differently at him, less like a stud for you to use, more like a man whom you found at times very enjoyable to be around.

You remember all the little moments when you thought you caught sight of the true Dominic, the time when you sang for him an old country song you heard on the radio once called Bandit of Love, and he called you out for making his ears bleed, and you laughed and wrestled him for his rude comment. You remember feeling fucking depressed and standing in the rain soaking yourself, wanting to end everything, but Dom told you how stupid you were as he pulled you back into the room and left you alone to yourself. He didn't want anything from you, it seemed, and a part of you were glad that he didn't because it meant he wasn't using you, but another part of you hoped you meant something to him, even if a little.

"Dom," You asked him once while in his arms, feeling his heartbeat calm down after sex, "Who are you, really?"

"Some guy in a motorcycle club."

"I think you're more than that." You flipped on top of him and let your hair create a safe space around your faces. "Why did you do that to your brother?"

He looked at you with the usual smirk, "Why did you shoot your father?"

You had injured the old man a long time ago before you left the house forever, but you didn't see how it was relevant. Perhaps he was only evading your question.

"Easy, because he was an asshole to me. All my life."

"Then you have your answer."

You smiled and kissed him deeply, "You're untamed, I like that."

"Speak for yourself." He said, and his hands wandered up your backside. His touch created ripples throughout your body.

"We make a good pair, don't we?" You said with great curiosity of how he'd respond.

He grinned, "A good pair in bed."

"So I'm just a whore." You tried to say the words without showing how you felt inside, the slight disappointment and yearning to be something more to him, but what he said next made it all better.

"But you are _my_ whore."

You opened your mouth, surprised by how he emphasized that you were _his._ "I'm not a fucking whore, and I don't belong to anyone, Dom." You said, trying to keep cool, but blush on your face and the look in your eyes betrayed you.

He smiled dangerously, the kind of smile that always made you soft.

"I know." He said before kissing you again, pulling you down and underneath him, and you surrendered to him once more.

Later that day, after having something to eat, you suddenly felt funny. It was nothing like the itch of needing a hit or your usual types of emotions, it felt like you were falling sick and you knew something had changed. Looking back, you had been feeling like this for quite a while now, but you dismissed it as your addictions kicking in, making you loony. You were scared that years of drug abuse had finally caught up with you and you wanted to know if you were slowly dying, so you phoned your doctor to make an appointment, prepared for the worst.

As much as you obsessed over death, deep inside you were very afraid of it, afraid to become nothingness, to be forgotten. Afraid to leave this world before you get the life that you wanted.

When you got to the doctor's, you walked cautiously into the clean white room and was greeted by the friendly man. He sat you down and proceeded with all sorts of checks that you had no clue about and even took your blood and urine sample. Doctor's made you uneasy, but for the sake of finding out what's wrong with yourself, you went along.

The samples were analyzed as you waited patiently before you got called back to the office.

The doctor looked at you and said, "So, everything seems to be in order, ma'am. I see that you are a drug user, and I would strongly recommend rehabilitation plans, for the interest of your health."

You nodded along, not really paying much attention to what he was saying.

"There are signs of vitamin deficiency but I could prescribe you some pills to help with that. You've also had some bones broken in the past, yes? They have recovered well, and you needn't worry about any lingering effects, just be careful to not fracture them again."

You pretended you understood what was happening just so you could get out of here as soon as possible, but then he continued.

"There's one more thing, I'm not sure if you are aware of it. You are pregnant, and for the sake of the child I would recommend abstinence from alcohol and drugs until delivery."

Your eyes widened.

"Excuse me?"

The doctor smiled, realizing you didn't know. "You are two months pregnant."

You felt the world around you shift and twist and it was making you sick. _It couldn't be_ , You thought to yourself, _I took the pills on time. I never missed one… did I?_

"I'm…" You were left speechless. "No…"

Now you understood all those little discomforts and vomiting, mistaken to be addiction-related, you thought you were just getting bad hangovers, but it wasn't true. Dom had been your sole partner for the past years, so it couldn't have been anyone else.

You were pregnant with his child, and it was all too much for you to accept at this moment.

You checked out with your insurance card and bolted away on your motorcycle, not back to Dom's place, but to somewhere quiet so you could think. You drove and drove along the highway like a lost lamb and didn't bother to check where you were heading to. When you broke out of your daydreaming, you were in the country side, parked on the shoulder, overlooking a green field with dandelions.

You took your helmet off and found that the inside of your visor was wet from moisture, only then you realized that you were weeping. You sat on the bike and hung your head, crying out loud because you knew no one would hear you. The air around you vibrated as one and another car rushed by you on the highway. How remarkable that nothing was able to bring you to your knees in your life until now.

You were crying because you didn't know what to do. You knew you were a mess, and how could you take care of a child like this? How would you even tell Dominic about this? You thought about it until it hurt your head, but there were no answer. You felt around your lower belly with your hand and imagined the little thing inside of you and the image made you happy and sad. You knew you couldn't keep it. You shouldn't, but another part of you wanted to.

Wiping your tears, you swallowed all your feelings back inside of you and placed the helmet on your head, started up the engine, and drove back the direction you came.

You felt you weren't ready to spend time with Dominic alone, so you went back to the club house instead. The others welcomed you warmly and you put on a smile for them before closing yourself into the restroom. You looked in the mirror at your clown face and washed it all off to reapply, painting each eye and your lips with care. You needed to get high so you could feel normal again, but not without feeling guilty about the child in you.

Your hand shook when you laid out the powder, a rare hesitation, but you had made your decision. It was becoming painful not having your fix, and who would blame and judge you, other than yourself?

You were sorry, but soon the high took you over and you felt okay again. You went to socialize, to talk, and left your troubled thoughts behind.

You mingled with the party for a while before Henrich called you over for a private conversation and you answered his invite and followed him to the top floor of the house, into the president's office.

"Hey, how is everything?" He asked with a smile.

"It's been fine. What's up?"

Henrich checked to make sure there was no one else before continuing, "I scored a big deal via the old man (your father), and I gotta say, this time it's serious."

"What kind of deal?" Your curiosity peaked.

"Arms. Lots and lots of them. He didn't really explain much, just said he needed to deliver them to his business partner down south, and he wanted us to handle the shipment. The usual covering his tracks."

You furrowed your brows. The whole thing smelled like trouble, but then again, it was Henrich's style to do big and risky business.

"And the money?"

Henrich laughed, "Enough for all of us to become millionaires. We're talking about a fucking early retirement."

Your eyes lit up at the information. It was so very tempting to finally be able to be free and stop worrying about money. You could do anything you wanted with that money, hell, you could get out of here, get clean, buy a house, and raise a child…

This was your ticket out of here.

"And you're telling me this why?" You asked.

"You'd always been loyal to the club and a good friend. On top of that, you're good at the trade. I need your help if we want this to be a success, so, what do you say? We can do fair splits."

You contemplated the job. It wouldn't be too difficult, not much different from shipping the drugs. You knew exactly what needed to be done. There couldn't have been better news.

"Of course I'm fucking in, we can all fly after this." You grinned, "I love this place, but…"

"I know." Henrich stopped you and looked at you with an understanding smile, "Good, we need to do this fast, though. Stuff is coming in hot tonight, so meet me here past midnight to check them."

"Yep."

"By the way, grab Dominic, too."

You shuddered at the mention of his name, "Why?"

Henrich knew about your relationship, but you didn't expect him to let Dom join in, "Like why I want you around. He might not say much, but he's a smart one and I trust him. Plus, you two can really start off something with that money."

You smiled faintly at the mention of a new start with Dominic and could no longer deny that he was beginning to mean a lot to you. You would definitely start a new life with him.

You ran back downstairs and started smoking by the doors to the bar. It was movie night again and tonight they played the good old _Run Lola Run,_ for the people who weren't sick of the movie already. You watched as the red-haired protagonist ran and ran to collect an impossible amount of money within a given time, failing, and doing it all over again. She reminded you of yourself sometimes, in the way that you fought for a better future and tried all you could just to get out of your dumpster of a life.

But Lola had the opportunity to cheat time and revisit her choices over and over again until she's made a good one, whereas you could only live once, and every choice mattered. The way she fought hard to save her boyfriend always touched you, and it reminded you of how you felt for Dominic.

Regardless of what happens, you weren't going to pass on tonight's opportunity. That would be foolish.

When you got back to Dom's place, you found him lounging outside the small porch you had, smoking and staring at the sky. You lived on the third floor, it had a nice view down the streets and far off on the horizon. You slid open the door and let yourself fall onto the couch he was sitting on and into his arms, he took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew away the smoke, smiling at you.

You looked at him and tried hard to not think about the child and touched his face, caressing his cheek, and played with his hair. You stayed like this for a while, just staring into each other's eyes silently.

Eventually Dom snuffed out the smoke and held you, "Where have you been today?"

"Everywhere," You said, "It doesn't matter now I'm here."

"Can I ask you something?" He said suddenly.

It wasn't like Dominic to be curious, but you nodded. Butterflies filled your stomach in anticipation.

"Why did you join Die vier Reiter?"

You looked into his warm eyes and felt enthralled. "Because I like riding, and I wanted an adventure."

"You killed people, does that bother you?"

"No, because they tried to hurt me." You answered, "Why, are you bothered?"

"No." He said simply, "They got what they deserved."

There was a determination in his voice, as if he really felt what happened to those people were just. You wouldn't argue; they pointed the gun at you first.

"Dom, come with me to the club house tonight."

"Why?"

"Henrich asked me to bring you."

Suddenly he seemed interested.

"He got in a big deal via my dad, something about a lot of arms. He didn't tell me much but he promised there's going to be big gold in this."

You felt him caress your hair. "How much gold?"

You smiled, "Lots and lots. We'll be done here, Dom, we could go wherever we wanted to go." But you bit back your words and felt silly for assuming he wanted to come with you. "I mean… you can do whatever the hell you want to after this."

He smirked and you blushed in shame, knowing that he saw through your disguise. He said your name and brought your face closer to him playfully, as if to kiss you, "You want to be with me."

You were frozen in his touch, unable to confirm nor deny. Did you want to be with him? You asked yourself and knew the answer. You never had a complete family, and this child could be a positive change in your life after this job. The feeling inside your heart told you that Dominic would be a good father.

"Why would I want to be with you? It's not like I've been leeching off you for the past two years." You said in a stubborn tone and turned your head away, avoiding his gaze, but moved closer into him. You felt him caress your back and said nothing.

"When this is all over, I want to move away. I want to go somewhere peaceful, away from the city and all this shit, and just be happy." You said with a sigh, feeling stupid that you were telling him all this, but wanting him to know how you thought. Off in the distance you saw the sun slowly setting and the scene warmed your heart as the skies turned a glorious, fiery red. You told yourself that everything was going to be okay, because being with Dom made you feel safe. Everything would change for the better.

When midnight came around, the two of you rode to the club house on time and met Henrich as agreed. The place was dead because Henrich had dismissed everyone; it would seem that the knowledge of the deal was only between the three of you. You thought Henrich a smart man, and greedy too. Less involved parties meant more share for him.

Two trucks had arrived and broke the silence between you, along with a black Benz. The Benz opened and your father stepped out of it with his shades on. When he took it off, you saw that he was frowning.

"Damn it Henrich, I told you that this is to be kept as low profile as possible." The old man hissed as he looked over at you and Dom and you sneered. He was the same old asshole that you remembered.

"Sorry daddy, I can't help but be a trouble to you." You taunted.

"Keep your smart comment to yourself, girl. We must hurry, the cops are getting suspicious. We might have a rat." He said as he instructed his men to open up the trucks and unload the goods onto the club trucks.

"What? That's impossible, only the three of us know about this." Henrich said in disbelief.

"Have you made certain that no one had access to your office this entire time?" Dominic added.

"Of course." Henrich quickly replied, but you heard a hint of uncertainty in his voice, "How did you know this?" He asked your father.

"Son, you should be in this deal long enough to understand that there are undercover agents everywhere." He had a dark look on his face as he glanced over at each of you, "As of now, I cannot trust any of you, but we must deliver the goods at the appointed time. Move out as soon as possible, we will keep in touch."

Henrich looked over at the shipment and his eyes widened. You followed his gaze and understood why. The trucks had an entire cargo worth of weapons, all kinds, and this amount of arms was far above what you had seen before. It was meant for an army.

"Who's buying all of these?" You asked your father. He looked at you and didn't say a word.

Things were beginning to feel off, and you felt it in your bones. It could have been your sixth sense, but you knew something bad was about to happen. Thankfully you had your pistol on you, and you subconsciously checked to see if it was still there. Everything felt like a set-up, and you pondered who could have been the rat that you father mentioned.

You checked your phone wanting to see if you correctly designated each shipment to the right address but quickly shut it off, knowing that your phone wasn't secure and it could be easily hacked and tracked. You could feel that everyone present had their nerves tensed like a string about to spring as the loading process continued. When it was almost done, you relaxed a little bit thinking that everything would run smoothly.

Until suddenly you heard an explosion, and the sound of bullets flying filled the air. You felt Dominic grabbed you and ran, staying close to whatever cover you had, and went for the garage. You heard a bullet fly past you and kept your body low as Dom tugged you along.

"SEK*!" Someone yelled.

"Drive!" You heard your father's shouting and more gunfire.

Your heartbeat raced and panic set in. You knew that the club had been betrayed and this was a situation of life and death. Dom never hesitated in his steps.

You looked back and from the corner of your eyes you saw SEK officers rushing the scene, seizing and killing your father's people, and you saw Henrich fighting before one of them shoot him in the head and he fell to the ground.

"Shit." You said as Dom went for the backdoor of the garage which led to the kennel, wanting to find a way out from there. He kicked open the door and told you, "Run. I'll distract them."

You pulled out your pistol and shook your head, "We're getting out of this together, come on."

"Go. NOW." His voice was commanding and you saw the desperation in his eyes. He really wanted you to go, but how could you leave him behind like this? You've made your decision, and it wasn't the time to hesitate.

A SEK guy busted into the garage before you could pull Dominic away with you and raised his rifle with deadly intention. You knew he was going to gun Dominic down, and the fear caused something to erupt in your body. You refused to let anyone hurt him, and the instinct to protect the man you loved made you pull the trigger at the police. You fired three shots and the officer fell to the ground, but more backups came. You felt something fly through you and threw you backwards. Your eyes fixed on Dominic's shocked expression.

Time slowed down in that moment as you stared at him, seeing for the first time emotions on his never-changing face. There were sorrow in those eyes, but you didn't understand why. You couldn't have known why.

Your legs gave out as he collected you in his arms. Only then you realized that you had been shot in the chest, for the pain had finally caught up; the excruciating, agonizing pain that paralyzed you. You felt like you couldn't breathe, and you were having cold sweats all over.

You looked towards the garage door and saw several SEK officers approaching you and Dominic with careful and slow steps with their guns at the ready, and you wept, knowing that it was the end.

"Dom," You said, trying to smile but you couldn't because everything hurt so much, "I'm sorry." You felt him caress your cheek and the look on his face broke your heart, but your vision faded immediately after and you saw nothing but darkness. You started coughing violently and tasted blood in your mouth, feeling warm blood pooling beneath you. You tried to talk more but you simply couldn't. _I love you,_ You said silently into the darkness, knowing that he was with you.

He smiled faintly, but you couldn't see. He read your lips and said regretfully, "Till our next life."

Cold. Everything was turning cold around you. You heard footsteps and felt the pressure of Dominic's arms disappear around you. A few seconds later, you couldn't even hear anymore. The last thought in your head was him, and then, nothing.

* * *

"Dominic Brunsmeier? That Reiter we arrested a few days ago?"

"Yes, he is to be released. We have the documents and process done and ready to go. At your leisure, warden."

After he was put behind the bars, Dom was absolutely mute. He didn't eat, he didn't raise troubles, he simply stayed away from everyone and kept himself busy in his own world, even when the warden released him from prison and the GSG9 contact took him away. He was angry, at himself, and at everything, but he pushed back those negative thoughts and kept them in check. The rest of his heart was filled by images of you, your voice, and all you had been through in these long four years.

"You have our deepest gratitude and congratulations, Mr. Brunsmeier. You have done a great job at dismantling the local gangs including the Reiter and terminated what would have been the biggest arms supply chain to the terrorists. Central would like to have a private chat with you once you arrive. I would like to inform you that they have decided to promote you."

He kept quiet as the woman on the screen in the car talked on. Only when she stopped he repeated, "A promotion."

"That is correct. You will no longer be doing undercover ops, Mr. Brunsmeier. After observing your capabilities, we have decided that such a rare talent has a better place to shine. Central will brief you more on that. For now, please enjoy the ride."

The screen faded to black and Dominic sank into deep thought again. He thought of you again, after trying hard not to. He never knew that when you died, two parts of him died with you; the love that he hid in you, and the child that you carried.

And you never knew that he felt this way for you, and how much he truly cared. You would never know that he loved you precisely because you were so broken, so messed up, but at the same time such a dreamer inside. There was an untainted field in your heart and he was lucky enough to wander into it, and since then he had wanted to protect it.

He never intended for you to die – you were supposed to run, hide, and do everything you could to survive – but in the end even he couldn't have stopped you from pulling the trigger. In the end, you turned back to that tough girl that he once knew, all because you wanted to protect him.

He learned soon enough that he would be transferred to Rainbow and join other skilled operators in continuing the effort of making this world a better place. When they couldn't come up with a suitable codename for him, he told them that he wanted to be codenamed Bandit.

Because he remembered how you sang for him, and he would never forget.

 _You're a bandit of love_  
_A collector of hearts_  
_You're a song I can't forget_  
_Once I sing it_  
_Like the money I bet_  
_I'll probably regret it_  
_You're an answered prayer_  
_A childish dare_  
_A heaven-sent devil_  
_And a hell-raisin' angel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SEK: Stands for Spezialeinsatzkommando (Special Deployment Commando), they are the specialized operation armed response units of the sixteen German state police forces.


	9. Home Is Where Your Heart Is (Doc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy, smutty, sweet reunion of the Reader and Doc.

It was a long winter night and you couldn't sleep because of the thoughts in your head. Images, mostly, of your significant other and his form shifting in and out of buildings, between crossfire, saving lives, like how he had saved your own. Once in a while you'd have these vivid pictures playing like PowerPoint in your head, especially when Gustave fails to call you for more than a week. You would begin to worry, because you knew how dangerous his line of work was; you had experienced it firsthand. You toss and turn in the double bed, too big for yourself, and wrapped your arms around your body, holding yourself like how he would have.

You knew what you were asking for when you began a relationship with him. The stakes were on the table with no negotiation room and yet, you took the risk like a moth diving into fire, just because you were so deeply in love with him.

Months of deployment and loneliness was the field which you sowed the seed of your love, and all those short yet sweet reunions were the fruit. Even as longing tears rolled down your cheeks, you still regretted nothing. You had a life of your own to maintain, and it helped you forget missing him sometimes. After you came home from Rainbow, you spent a while gathering yourself before putting yourself back on the job market again, and time flied as calls and interviews came and concluded, returning you back onto the right track of life.

The hardest part after that, was dealing with Gustave's absence. It was easy in the beginning, let it be optimism or a matter of getting used to loneliness, and you thought to yourself, it's merely a few months, no big deal. But as time dragged slowly by and the reality of your relationship set in, you began to feel the stress, the invisible hand tugging at your heart and a constant need to be close to him. It took a big toll on your mental well-being, but you were strong, amazingly so, such that it didn't overwhelm you.

This time though, it had been too long. You would get a call from him at least once every week or so, never this long in between. The sudden break in communication was something you dreaded the most. What if something had happened to him? You dared not think about it.

Unable to clear your thoughts, you got up from the bed and went into the kitchen to grab yourself a cup of warm milk and honey, hoping the old recipe for sleep would work this time. You set the timer on the microwave and left the cup inside as you waited for the alarm. A sudden noise from the front door, a key turned and unlocked in sync with the microwave going off. Your heart raced because there was only one other person who had the keys to your apartment.

You ignored the continuous beeping of the microwave and made your way to the door, just in time to run into the embrace of your man in uniform. Home at last, it felt like a miracle.

"I'm home." Gustave smiled as he saw you and pushed you into his arms. You closed your eyes and immersed yourself with that familiar smell of him, his cologne, and his warmth. Was this a dream? You prayed it wasn't, and that prayer was immediately answered by a deep kiss on your lips. You pressed him against you as you kissed, wanting the moment to last. God, you missed him so.

"You didn't call." You said after your lips parted and quickly kissed him again, this time with tears in your eyes, "I thought something had happened to you..."

"I wanted to surprise you." He said and caressed your cheek with his big hand, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok, you're here now. You're back." You broke into a smile and touched his face, studying the look in his eyes and all his features. "It's okay. You must be hungry, I have some leftover dinner, want some pasta?"

"That would be lovely, thank you." He pecked your lips again before letting you do your thing. You hurried to the kitchen and took out the cup of milk and honey you had in the microwave and placed it away to make spot for his dinner.

When everything was ready, you called him to the table and sat down with your cup of milk, finally getting to drink it. The sweetness settled pleasingly in your stomach as Gustave emerged from your bedroom, freshly showered, and sat down next to you.

"What's in that?" He asked, staring at your cup.

"Milk and honey."

"Couldn't sleep?" He smiled with a slight guilt.

You shook your head and took a sip from the cup. "I keep worrying."

Gustave understood immediately and reached his hand out for yours. You entrusted your small hand in his and felt him grasp it.

"I promise I will make it up to you."

You looked into his beautiful eyes and knew he was sincere. "Eat, before it gets cold."

Only then he let go of your hand and began enjoying his food. You chatted in between eating, catching up and letting all your questions and thoughts roam free.

"How is Blitz?" You asked.

"Good, he said hi and asked me to ask you if you still want to enlist." Gustave chuckled and shook his head. "He trains recruits now, and he does a fairly good job."

You nodded as he went on, "That's great. Glad to know he's safe."

"Everything is changing for the better, so you needn't worry about me." He smiled at you, "Now, tell me about yourself. How are things? Did you go out with Ashley last week?"

"Yeah, I did. We watched a movie and did some shopping, like usual. She said she wanted to meet you."

"Only when we're done having some alone time." He grinned, "Which I believe, would take quite a few days."

"Never enough, Gustave." You sighed and walked over to sit down on his laps and kiss him. "When will you finally be home with me?" You asked with a serious tone, afraid of his answer, and pressed your forehead against his. You didn't mean to push him, but it was an important question for your future.

His smile dimmed at your inquiry and said, "Chéri, you understand what I must do."

You nodded and buried your head into the crook of his neck and listened to his calming voice.

"There are people that need me, and I cannot let them down."

"I need you too." You whispered and felt him turn his head to kiss your forehead.

"I know, and I you. I love you."

You echoed the three words back at him and closed your eyes. You remember him telling you how his first marriage ended, shortly after he joined Rainbow. His ex-wife couldn't stand the distance and lack of intimacy and simply asked him to sign the divorce papers one afternoon when he came back to meet her. It broke his heart, but for her happiness, he let her go. You weren't going to make the choice she did, but you could fully understand why she did what she did. It would have been even more difficult had they had children.

You curled your fingers on the shirt he was wearing and requested in a shaky voice against his neck, "Make love to me." You pressed your lips against his the warmth of his neck and nibbled affectionately. It had been too long since you've had any kind of physical contact and you were craving. Gustave let you kiss him as his hand traveled down your back and into your sleepwear and up, making you arch your back at the electricity that he seemed to be creating under his touch.

You moved your lips onto his and locked him into a passionate kiss. You poured all your longing into it and felt him reciprocate the same level of desire. His hands went around your body and slowly crept up your soft boobs, finding no bra in the way to stop his advancement, and cupped them gently. You gasped when he did that, being sensitive as you were.

You pulled yourself up a bit without breaking the kiss to drag your leg to the other side of him so you could straddle him. The position reminded you of the first time you had sex, of that one impulsive session in his office, and the memory made you wet. His own arousal was poking against you gently beneath, the warmth of his tip radiated through the pants he was wearing and you shivered at the sensation involuntarily.

Chuckling after he broke the kiss, he said, "You haven't changed a bit."

You let out a slow breath when he started to massage your breasts and smiled back, "Neither have you."

And that was what triggered him, those magic words. He dropped his hands to your hip and supported your weight as he stood up, taking you with him into the bedroom. You round your arms at the back of his neck and moaned when you felt him drop you into the bed and undress himself. You began removing your sleepwear as well and soon enough he was between your legs with an almost out of character grin on his face. You shuddered, before you could even ask, you felt his hands on the sides of your thigh and his warm breath on your most sensitive spot.

"Gustave…" You said almost whispering.

"Moan for me." He said simply before he started kissing the wetness between your legs, starting with the insides of your thigh, then slowly towards your pussy.

You gladly obeyed his command, you couldn't help it, and you grabbed the sheets beneath you when his lips brushed up against your clit. It was all too sensitive and you even hated how he could make you surrender to him so easily. You knew he was listening to all those little noises you were making for him and thoroughly enjoying them.

"Please…"

"Please what?"

"Please… hahnn…!"

You arched your back when you felt his tongue trace the rim of your clit and began sucking on it without warning. The feeling almost made you want to tell him to stop, but you couldn't. It felt wonderful and tormenting at the same time because of how badly you wanted him inside you. Your legs twitched and jerked whenever his tongue pushed and teased your clit.

"You are so wet, my love." You heard him say in between pleasuring you. He stopped what he was doing after a while and gave you but a brief moment to catch your breath before he licked your soaking wet entrance and pushed his tongue just slightly into you.

This made you clamp your legs and move your body down onto him, craving for more and deeper contact, and he responded by moving his fingers along your lower belly, making you ever closer to climaxing. You wanted to beg him, beg him to take you and shove his dick inside you and just give you all. If he kept teasing you like this, you felt like just pulling him up and forcing him into you, anything to sate your lust.

"I need you." You told him and bit your lower lip when he inched his tongue deeper inside you.

He understood the urgency of your request and ran his fingers back down to your clit and started massaging it in small circles as he kissed and pushed with his tongue. After that, you couldn't find any more words to say and were overwhelmed by the sensation he was bringing you. He made your toes curl and your fingers hurt from gripping the sheet so tightly. The contrast between the cool air and the heat off your body made your nipples perk as your moans grew louder.

It didn't take long before you felt the familiar tingle from below and your muscles tighten in anticipation of an orgasm. You held your breath when he rubbed your clit faster to help bring you over the edge, and he did. You opened your mouth and his name slipped through as your body convulsed and shook from the intense rapture. He didn't stop, instead he continued until your body stopped shaking and your arched back reclined onto the bed again.

You called for him as you laid there with your eyes closed and your breath heavy and felt his mouth and fingers part you with a kiss to greet you again at your lips. You opened your eyes and smiled at him, your hand coming up to touch his face. He kissed you deeply while prodding you suggestively below with his rock hard arousal and you sighed tasting yourself.

Slowly but powerfully, he pushed himself into you with ease and you moaned again feeling your inner heat filled up by him. You smiled to yourself thinking that he wasn't going to give you any room for a break and simply threw your arm above your head onto the pillow and tilted your head towards the side so that he could kiss your neck and love you the way he wanted to.

"Tu me rends fou (You drive me crazy)." He whispered to you and it melted you instantly; you'd always loved how he would say sweet things to you in French during these intimate moments. Coupled with his deep thrusting you reactively wrapped your legs around him and let him do you at his own pace. All you could do was gasp and kiss him back whenever you felt his lips on yours.

He made you come again with his steady thrusts and only then he allowed himself to pick up the pace a bit to race to the finish. He kissed you deeply when he came and you embraced him, your bodies locked tightly together as he pulsed inside you.

"Gustave, I love you." You said to him, panting. He was still hard inside you when he pulled out.

"And I love you." You felt his smile in his kiss and knew instantly that there would be plenty of sex in the days to come.

* * *

When you woke up, the sun was shining into your bedroom through the little gap between the curtains and you felt a band of warmth on your exposed leg. Gustave's heavy arm was draping over your waist and you found his hand to cross your fingers with him. It felt wonderful to wake up next to him, too good that you wanted and wished you could do this forever. Alas, you told yourself it was about time to get up so you lingered in his hold for another five minutes before tearing yourself away to the shower.

As you emerged from the shower, steamy and wet, you found your beloved sitting in the bed smiling at you. "Good morning." He said while watching you with admiration, studying the shape of your body.

"Good morning, Doc." You teased and unwrapped the towel around your body, displaying yourself for his delight.

"How am I 'Doc' again?"

"I can't help but remember how I fell for you every time I see you." You confessed and crawled onto the bed and on him. He held you as you sat on his laps and brushed his fingers against your cheek gently.

"How you stole my heart?" He added.

You chuckled and nodded, "Mhm. And I'm not giving it back, sorry."

He kissed you before squeezing your leg, hinting for you to get off him. "Let's have some breakfast."

After a simple breakfast and many more flirtation and kisses, Gustave had this look in his eyes as he said to you, "Pack up, I want to take you somewhere. Have you skied before?"

You were surprised by his sudden preposition and shook your head. Skiing was something new, but it had always been a sport you wanted to try out.

"Why?" You asked.

"Why not? We do have to check in by noon at the resort." He said and you grinned. He must have made a reservation when you weren't paying attention, sneaky. Without saying another word, you hurried back into the room to grab your backpack and stuffed it with a lot of items like an excited 3rd grader about to go on a field trip.

After you were both ready and set, you dropped your stuff into the back of the car and drove away. The ski resort was about an hour from where you lived, and you enjoyed the road trip with him way more than you imagined you would. You felt like a college student again as you let down the window and turned up the radio and danced in the seat to your favorite song. You could see Gustave smiling, even though he appeared to be focused on the road. He even tried to sing along, but your voice completely drowned his out and he was left chuckling helplessly at how happy you were. You were glowing, and you knew it was all because of him.

"Look, we're here." He said and in front of you were the slopes of the mountain and ant-sized people seemingly gliding down the face of the mountain. You smiled at the scene and could hardly wait till you have fun.

Once inside the resort, the two of you checked in and dropped off your excess luggage before checking the gears for rent. Gustave made his choices quite quickly while you were busy being struck by the good old color dilemma.

"Do I look nice in this?" You spoke through the ski mask covering your nose and mouth and stretched your arm out to show him how you looked. Once all the gears were on, you felt like a big dumb robot struggling with all the guards on your body for freedom of movement, and so it was quite difficult to maneuver yourself around, but for the sake of his honest opinion, you endured.

"You look wonderful, as always." Came his reply. Gustave was also fully geared, and he looked little different from his operator self with a dark ski mask over his face and snow goggles on his forehead. You blushed at both his statement and how attractive he looked and secured the ski boards under your arm. Today would be a fun day.

"Let's get snowy, then." You smiled and went out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (have a short sweet continuation of the reader doc fic!)


	10. His Matryoshka (Fuze)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story of you and Fuze.

You were fifteen when it happened. It was an age to be joyful, to be productive, and to discover; a bright day in downtown Moscow with parasols, ice-cream shops, cars, and summer jobs. Your mother and father took you and Shuhrat, the son of a very close family friend, out for lunch. Shuhrat was seven years older than you, and stood tall above you with his broad shoulders and a serious face. His features were what you thought a perfect example of a mix between Caucasian and Asian, like a pop singer you used to obsess over, and your favorite part was his hair, his dark and gentle curls that was uncommon for an Uzbek. The curls were very hard to spot because of how short and tidy he kept it, but having practically grown up in his company, you were no stranger to his secrets.

Shuhrat had been your good friend and companion all these years, sometimes you even catch your parents speaking of how they wish you would eventually grow closer.

"Shuhrat is a good boy, my dear. Seeing you two together makes me smile." Your mother would say to you every time she combed your hair and helped you put it up before you leave to find him.

"Mama, please. Shuhrat is like a brother to me." You said, smiling, though secretly you did feel an attraction towards him.

Maybe that's why they say proximity breeds affection. Even as you walked on the streets with your family, you felt that all your attention was focused on him, as if you were alone on a date. You walked into the small café and stood in front of the many different flavors of ice-cream, contemplating what to get. Next to you, Shuhrat only took a quick glance at the display before moving his gaze away. He was always so decisive, and you envied him for being able to do that.

"Alright, everyone ready?" Your father asked before he ordered for everyone. Your parents had the usual strawberry cheese cakes and Shuhrat took a mint flavored ice-cream. You didn't feel like going for the usual, so you got a green-tea flavored one.

You found a table outside and sat down, your parents started talking as you and Shuhrat ate your ice-creams quietly.

"How is it?" He asked you halfway through.

You tasted the lingering, pleasant contrast between the bitterness and sweet on your tongue and replied, "Not bad, I think I like it."

From the corner of your eyes you could see your parents exchanging whispers as you and Shuhrat bantered. You sighed and turned to them with a smile, "What is it now? What are you smiling at?"

"Your father and I want to go shopping for a while after this. We were thinking that if you two don't want to come along, Shuhrat can take you home. Would you do that, dear?"

"Of course." He replied.

You thought to yourself that this was another one of your parents' plans to give you two alone time and felt helpless about their resolve to match the two of you together. You didn't mind it too much, but you worried that Shuhrat would feel uncomfortable about it. _For God's sake, he is twenty-two! Surely he has a girlfriend, not someone like me._

"No taking her to the amusement park again." You heard your father command Shuhrat, "Straight back home, am I clear?"

"Yes sir."

"But it's the weekend, Pa…" You protested.

"Finish your work first, and then maybe if Shuhrat has time."

"I can always go with my classmates."

Your father looked at Shuhrat before he took the cue and spoke, "I have training on Saturday, but I will have time on Sunday."

Your face brightened up knowing that he'd be free to accompany you, even though he didn't have to. Having him around made you feel safe, and you couldn't wait to be able to finally take him onto _the_ rollercoaster, the biggest one in the park.

"How is your father, Kessikbayev? I haven't talked to him in a while. Is he still not retired?" Your father followed up.

Your fathers were friends, just like your grandfathers who fought in the war together. Destiny seemed to always have kept your families close to each other despite the times changing and people moving around all the time. You don't know much about your grandfather, but you knew he was a great soldier. Your father didn't want you to pursue a military career, however. You got the feeling that he wanted you to do what most young people do, to graduate and get a good job.

"My father is doing well. So far he hasn't planned for retirement." You heard Shuhrat say as you finished up your ice-cream.

The two men talked more about the past, military life, and such. You weren't understanding most of it, many words simply flied through your brain, but you tried to keep up. You watched Shuhrat's eyes light up as he talked to your father, his passion for his job showing through. He worked at a firing range, helping them test and develop weapons. It had always been his dream, and he served as a good example to you of how through hard work, one could make his dreams come true.

Soon everyone finished their snack and it was time to go. You walked together until the entrance of the metro and your mother stopped to give you a hug.

"Be good, sweetie. Don't be too much trouble for Shuhrat. See you tonight." She kissed your cheeks and you returned the gesture.

"I will, I love you."

"Shuhrat, take care of her." Your father reminded the young man standing next to you and you smiled. Always the protective father, he was.

"I'm fifteen, dad. I know how to handle myself."

"Doesn't change a thing, my love. Now go, see you soon."

You watched them step down the stairs to the metro and turned to walk towards the bus station. It wasn't far away from where you lived, so really there was no rush to head back so soon.

"Hey Shuhrat," You called him and he looked at you with his warm brown eyes, "You wanna go check out the arcade on our way back?"

He crossed his arms and looked at you disapprovingly, "No. I promised your parents that we are heading straight home. Let's go."

"Come on, you're no fun!" You argued, "What am I going to do when I get home? I'm all alone."

"You could start doing your homeworks."

"There aren't that many, I'd be bored to death afterwards." You pled, "Just a short stop, please?"

He seemed to have hesitated for a moment. Like a big brother, he couldn't help but want to make you happy. "Alright, but this time…"

A loud and ground-shaking boom came from below and for a moment, everyone around looked confused, wondering where that sound came from. When people started running out of the metro station screaming and asking for help, that's when you realized something terrible had happened. Your first thought was your parents.

"Stay here, don't move." You heard Shuhrat tell you as he rushed down the stairs and into the station. You felt the urgency to do something, anything, and how could you stay here, knowing that something might have happened to your parents? You didn't heed the warning in the back of your head and went straight after Shuhrat.

A heavy cloud of smoke filled the inside of the station and you covered your nose to stop the smell from irritating your nostrils. Further down, once you arrived at the platforms, you dropped your hand and saw something you could never forget.

There was a train blasted into half from the middle and a part of the platform was destroyed, covered in debris. There were people crawling out of the train, some screaming, others helping the ones in need. You saw blood stains and bits and pieces of human body and you felt your heartbeat quicken at the terrible scene, afraid to think what had happened to your parents. People rushed past you with the wounded, helping them to the surface. Phone calls were made and you walked towards the train with slow, dream-like steps. _This isn't real,_ You told yourself, _This can't be real._

What finally tipped you over and threatened your sanity was what you saw inside the hole of the train. Shuhrat was there, shouting and attempting to revitalize your father lying on the floor with CPR procedures. The entire interior of the cabin was covered in fallen parts and various items and dust. You held your mouth shut with your hands when you saw your dear, poor mother, with her legs missing and dead a few meters away from your father.

"No!" You finally screamed and rushed towards her.

You heard Shuhrat call your name, but you didn't care. You knelt down beside your mother and gathered her in your arms, shaking and sobbing as you called her name.

"Mama, wake up…" You begged, still in a childish denial, trying to pretend this wasn't happening, "Mama please… oh God." You looked down at her face and caressed her cheek, tears streaming out of your eyes. She wasn't moving, nothing. You felt your heart was being torn apart. Her face was covered in ash and blood.

When you knew she wasn't coming back, you held your mouth close and cried into your hand. _This can't be happening,_ You repeated to yourself in despair, _She can't be gone. This isn't happening._

"My… child."

You turned your head abruptly when you heard your father's weak voice and quickly crawled over to him, joining Shuhrat. Your father wasn't in good shape either, but you still hoped for the impossible.

"Papa!" You took his hand and placed it against your cheek, feeling the chilling cold of his dying body. "Papa you'll be okay, help is coming. We'll take you to the hospital." You said as you heard the loud sirens echoing through the station. _He'll be fine, please._ You prayed.

"No… listen to me…" He stared into your eyes with all the love a father could give, and a deep resentment that he couldn't make it out alive, "Be good… we love you… we will always… be with you…"

"Don't say that Papa… don't say that," Tears overwhelmed you again as you held his hand tightly in yours, "You're going to be alright, you'll be fine..."

"Shuhrat… take care of her." He said with his last breath, and you watched as the light in his eyes faded away.

"Don't leave me… Papa please don't leave me…" You begged and threw yourself over your father's body, but it was over. He left you, both of them, right in front of your eyes. Your body couldn't stop shaking and your mind was in chaos. You felt your head was splitting in half from the unimaginable amount of grief you were feeling and you couldn't do anything but cry.

What happened after that was a fuzzy memory. You vaguely recall watching your parents' bodies being covered and taken away from you and Shuhrat's arms around you, but nothing mattered to you because you felt so alone, so helplessly alone. You felt as if you were being zoned out into another dimension, a place where there was only you and no one else.

A numbness overcame you after Shuhrat took you back to his family, where his mother and father both started to weep when they saw you and held you tightly in their arms. Throughout this you said no words and felt nothing, even when they addressed you, you simply nodded in silence as response.

Only till night fell and you were alone in Shuhrat's room (he moved to sleep in the living room to give you space), you tossed and turned in the bed and felt tears escape the corners of your eyes. _Where are they?_ You talked to yourself, _Where are you Mama? Papa? Help me, I feel so alone…_

Life suddenly lost its purpose, all that you had planned for your future, all that you once thought mattered, vanished into thin air like your parents. Why were you still here? What was the point of being alive anymore? You pulled at your hair and cried into the pillow, not realizing that you were screaming.

You felt a pair of arms help you up and you sobbed into Shuhrat's chest. He must have heard you and came to check if you were ok. You grabbed onto him and couldn't say a word.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly and rubbed your back, but sorry couldn't bring them back.

_What am I supposed to do?_ Your head was spinning with thoughts, but your mouth muted.

"Do you need me to stay with you?" He asked you and you nodded.

He sat himself in the bed and watched over you as you fell back onto the damp pillow, pulling the sheets over your curled-up body. You felt his hand caressing your hair and for a moment you thought it was your mother, and it made you weep once more. Sleep didn't come to you until deep into the night, and even when it did, you were visited by only nightmares.

Over the next weeks, Shuhrat's family took care of you and gave you all the support you needed in the world, but nothing was ever enough to soothe your pain. You began to question yourself with a series of _what ifs_ and each scenario tormented you a thousand times more. What if you asked them to come home with you? Nothing would have happened to them… You began to blame yourself for what happened and this unreasonable guilt crippled you. You couldn't function, you stayed inside the house all day like a zombie, waiting for time to tick by. You rejected all human interaction, even the ones with Shuhrat to a degree.

Depression was the grey cloud over your fifteenth summer, and you had the feeling that it would never go away.

You had no relatives who wanted to keep you, even after learning what had happened to your family. You remember hearing Shuhrat's mother arguing and yelling at the other end of the telephone about how irresponsible and heartless they were before slamming the phone down. The kind woman then came to you and pulled you into her arms saying, "Don't you worry about a thing, we'll take care of you. We always intended to."

And so you were adopted. You attended the funeral not long after, standing beside Shuhrat as you watched your parents' remains receive the final blessing before going under. You had so many strangers hugging you, dedicating speeches for you, but all their touch made you feel uncomfortable. You just wanted it to stop, so you clung onto Shuhrat, who held you tightly in his arms, shielding you from the rest of the world. Throughout the process, no tears escaped your eyes, and no words your mouth.

"Do you want to go?" You heard Shuhrat ask you with concern and you nodded. He took you away from the crowd of black and to the garden not far away in the cemetery. Here, flowers bloomed and the bushes were trimmed, and birds sang softly atop the evergreens. The two of you sat down on a bench and you leaned against him as he held your hand.

You stayed like this in silence until he spoke suddenly, "I've requested to be on active duty again."

You looked into his eyes with fear and shook your head. _Why?_

He saw the look in your eyes and gave you a determined smile, "I can't stand idling about when the real fight needs to be taken to those who hurt you."

_No, don't leave me alone._ You wanted to say it out loud, but you couldn't. You were afraid, shaking. Shuhrat felt like the last crutch you had. If he were to die too…

You held him with all the strength you had, trying to let him know that you wanted him to stay. _Just stay with me, please._ Your nose turned sour and tears wetted your eyes.

He said your name and lifted your face so you could stare into his warm brown eyes, "Talk to me, tell me."

You moved your lips and the words appeared like magic, soft and weak, threatened to be carried away by the breeze, "Don't go."

Those were the first words you have said since the accident, and Shuhrat wiped your tears with a knowing smile.

"You have to be strong. For them. I promise I will visit whenever I can."

"No." You whimpered, _Please don't leave._

"Be strong for me?" He caressed your cheek, "There won't be much combat, I will be doing the same thing I'm doing now, testing weapons."

You said nothing and buried your head in his chest as you hear him sigh and hold you close. You didn't understand why he was leaving and why he decided to do this. All you knew was you were going to be alone again, and you dreaded the future, if there even was one for you.

That night, you held him like you had for the past weeks, only that something had changed in your heart. That added anxiety that came from the knowledge of his eventual departure was tearing you apart from the inside and you did your best to not let it show. Your little arms were wrapped around his body and he rocked you and rubbed up and down your back to help you sleep. The touch of his fingers against the thin fabric of your sleep shirt made you feel safe but at the same time awful. You wanted to push him away and save yourself before you became too attached to him, but you couldn't help yourself lingering in his arms, because he was the _only_ one you had. To push him away would mean severing yourself from the only anchor holding you, and you feared that you would die without him.

Since the day of the funeral, you only spoke to Shuhrat and no one else. The closer the day of his departure approached the harder you felt it was to breathe. He said he was going to England, why so far? You had no idea, and when you asked how long he would be gone he only told you that he'd be gone for a few months.

When he finally left for England, you gave him the small photo that you two took in the amusement park so that he would remember you, even though he said he didn't need it as you were always on his mind. You watched him go and felt your world shattering, again, a similar feeling that you had when your parents died, and you fell to the floor.

After he left, Shuhrat's parents managed to put you back into school and life resumed its natural course. From an outsider's perspective, they would say that you were recovering from the shock and grief, but only you knew that a cut so deep would never truly heal. You were the outcast in school, the quiet one, and you avoided as much human interaction as you could. Your adoptive parents finally began to think if you had problems speaking physically and took you to the doctors, but of course the result would be that you were perfectly capable of speaking; You just didn't want to.

Even so, they coped with you, and gave you all the unconditional love adoptive parents could give, and years passed like this. Every few months, Shuhrat would return on a bright morning. Before the doorbell even rang, your dog would hop up from his cozy den and rush to the door to greet his master, and you would come out of your little world to meet the man in your dreams. He would always smile and pet the dog before turning his attention to you and walk over to give you a tight embrace.

"Hey." He would say, and you would finally let all the weight in your heart drop. You would take a look at him, to see how he had changed. You imagine he did the same to you.

"You've grown up." You heard him say to you. "I barely recognize you."

You were eighteen. Your hair had grown longer and your height boosted, but you had the same perpetual sad smile that only he could make happy. Shuhrat became stronger and manlier, one look from him was enough to send you blushing. You kept your feelings to yourself, ignoring your palpitating heart and the butterflies in your stomach. You didn't understand why you were feeling like this.

It might be a short 3 years from 15 to 18, but the changes these three years encompass were significant. It was more than just a pull of a wisdom teeth and the growth of your hair, more than just shopping for larger clothes and recognizing your beauty in the mirror. It was a metamorphosis, like ripping off old skin so a new one could grow, you were slowly walking out of the depression and wreckage your parents' death had brought. For a while it almost felt as if everything was okay again, until of course, Shuhrat's return. He brought with him all your life memories, the good and the bad, and standing with him right now you felt like you were that 15 year old little girl again.

"You two should catch up." Shuhrat's mother said, smiling. She must have noticed how you were looking at each other, and excused herself from the room.

"I missed you." You said after a long silence.

"I missed you too. Come, we must chat."

The two of you changed and he took you out to your favorite restaurant on the corner of a street. It was a ritual of yours to come to this place every time he returns from deployment. The interior of this place was very well decorated and it always made you feel as if you had time-travelled back to the 1980s. You sat across him next to a window and the two of you started chatting after placing your orders.

"How is university?" He asked.

"It's okay. I like my subject so far." You smiled sweetly at him and took a sip from the glass of water you had. It felt wonderful to finally be able to talk after so long. You had shut yourself off from everyone except him. "How are you?"

"Good. Busy, but nothing I can't handle."

The afternoon sun beamed through the window and outlined the soft curls on his head; how you wished you could touch it and have him beside you forever, but he had his plans, and who were you to interfere? You knew he did this all for you, but he didn't understand that all you needed was for him to stay with you.

"You look sad, what is it?" You snapped out of your thoughts when he asked, only then you realized that you've been moping again.

"No… it's nothing."

"Tell me." His face was serious.

"Stay, Shuhrat." You requested in a quiet voice and saw his gaze soften.

You weren't sure if he wanted to reply to you because a waiter had interrupted you with appetizers and the conversation was discontinued. The two of you ate in an awkward silence until the end of the meal and you tried so hard to not cry in front of him.

After that, he drove you home and you escaped into your room and locked it before you finally let your tears fall. Strange emotions overwhelmed you and you couldn't pretend anymore. You needed him beside you, because he was the next closest person you had in your life other than your parents, and the only other person you could share the weight of the world with. The thought of him leaving you once again, over and over, to go to England and to avenge your parents' death hurt you, because all you wanted was his company.

Killing terrorists wouldn't bring back your parents, but it would save many other people's lives.

_He will never give up his job for you._ You said to yourself, _What he is doing is more important than you._

Your heard a knock not long after and knew you had to open the door for him. So you did, after wiping your tears, and let him hold you in his arms.

"I'm sorry, солнышко (sunshine)."

You held your breath when he called you his sunshine for the first time.

"I know it is difficult for you."

Of course it was. You remember dusting the house for any tiny piece of him that he left behind and gathering all these personal trinkets in a box, marked "Shuhrat's," and putting it somewhere close in your room. You had a picture of the two of you smiling on your table, where you could see it every day and every second. You hated worrying about his safety and his health, constantly dreading that the officers would come ringing your bell one day with grave news.

You loved him, helplessly so. He was your brother, your protector, and your safe harbor.

"But you stayed strong for me, and that makes me happy." He continued and held your cheeks as he smiled at you, "You've grown so beautiful and smart, your parents would have been proud of you."

You felt the urge to cry when he brought up your parents and looked at him with watery eyes. You cover your mouth as he gave you an embrace with his arms around your back and your head. Sometimes you felt that Shuhrat could read your mind, as he seemed to always know what to say and do to make you feel better.

He held you like this for a long while before letting you go and sat down with you in your bed to talk.

"Mom said you almost drowned once when you went to the beach. What happened?"

You looked at him embarrassingly and recalled the incident, "I wasn't paying attention to how far off I swam from shore."

"And no guards warned you?"

"It was a busy day, it really was just me being careless." You ran your fingers through your hair. It was a scary experience, to take a big gulp of sea water and to have your nose sting from the pain of breathing at the wrong time. You thought it was your time to go, but when you came to you were in the hospital with Shuhrat's parents.

He didn't need to know the details, and you prayed his mother didn't tell him too much, lest he worry more about you. You didn't want to be a burden to him.

"No more risky swimming." He told you in a stern voice and you nodded, "I can't lose you too."

These simple caring words managed to lure out your smile and you reached your hand out for him to hold.

"And I can't lose you." You said softly.

After a moment of silence, you finally asked him what had been on your mind, "How is everything in England?"

"Routine. Maxim (Kapkan) says hello, said he would like to meet you one day. Timur (Glaz) too, he came back as well."

Shuhrat's comrades were a good bunch, you knew that much from the stories he had told you. Despite having never met them, you trusted these men and was somehow glad that Shuhrat had them to count on. You knew that when these Russian men are together, they were indestructible.

"That's nice of them." You commented, "Can we meet Timur then?"

"Of course, as soon as he has time. I almost forgot." He stood up and went out the room, returning shortly with a scroll in his hand. He unwrapped it and in front of you was a beautiful oil paint of a swallow. You gasped at the painting.

"Did he draw this?"

"For you, as birthday gift." Shuhrat smiled and let you hold the drawing yourself, "I told him you'd be turning eighteen, I did not expect him to do this."

You carefully took in all the colors and details of this simple painting and felt it light up your world a little. The bird was resting on a branch against a backdrop of dense leaves and its eyes were bright and intelligent. The tri-colored feathers was a stark contrast to your boring room, and you figured it would make an excellent framed picture.

"Now I definitely must meet him, if only to thank him." You muttered and rolled up the painting to store it away, "Thank you for bringing this back to me."

He squeezed your hand and shook his head, "It's no problem."

You chatted for another hour before the first yawn escaped your lips. Strange, you haven't been actively sleepy for quite a while now. Insomnia was a plague that's rooted deep inside you ever since the incident, but Shuhrat always managed to lift it somehow. You felt at ease with him as you told him that you wanted to sleep.

"It's getting late. I will leave you to rest then." He stood up and was about to leave, but you caught his arm and halted his footsteps. He looked back at you and gave you a soft smile, "Want me to stay with you?"

You nodded, slightly embarrassed at your own need of having his company. Like many other things, having him lull you to sleep was what you missed the most about him. So he changed into his T-shirt and sleeping pants while you did the same, and soon found yourself in his embrace in your bed, with your head against his chest.

The lights were off and you remained quiet, just listening to his strong heartbeat and his breathing. You could feel your breast just barely touching him and it sent a shiver down your spine. Outside of Shuhrat, you've never been so close to a man, ever. It didn't help that his hand was gently rubbing your back, making you want to purr in pleasure. You struggled with how you were feeling and more rational thoughts then: was it right to have such feelings for someone you considered your brother? Or were you just desperately in need of someone who cared for you?

"Sleep." You heard him say and it surprised you. It seemed that he sensed you were still awake.

You were so close that you suddenly had the urge to kiss him. Just imagining your lips on his was enough to drive you insane. _Just a quick one,_ You told yourself, at the same time mustering all the courage you could ever build to then move your head up and plant a short kiss on his lips.

You didn't even care to wait for his reaction and quickly turned away from him, at the same time putting a small distance between your bodies so you could die peacefully in shame. You held your breath and listened closely, your hearing amplified by the adrenaline rushing through your veins, but you heard nothing, no movements from him.

And then, just as you gave up all hope and tried to force yourself to sleep and forget what happened, you felt him put his arm on your waist and pulled himself closer to you until your back was touching him. You were blushing madly at this point, being spooned by him like this, and let out quiet and long breaths to calm yourself down.

You were tearing up a little, too, because of relief, seeing that he didn't reject you or just leave. You couldn't manage to say a word, but you knew none were needed. You were his matryoshka doll, and he alone knew how to unravel the many layers to get to the real you. And just like that, in the warmth of his arms, you sank into a deep, restful sleep. No nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll take a while before the next part comes up, so please bear with me!


	11. His Matryoshka

When you woke up, you found yourself still in Shuhrat’s embrace.  You turned around carefully to avoid waking him up and took a good look at his sleepy face in the morning light.  His lips were curved up, perhaps he was having a good dream, and his hair a dark mess, blocking his forehead.  You stared and studied his jawline, his nose, and his cheeks.  He was beautiful, and so peaceful that you could feel his steady breath on your skin. 

You tore your gaze away from his face and looked down at his body.  Even with a shirt on, you could see his well-defined muscles, and of course, his strong arms.  You loved the masculinity emanating from him, making you feel safe and secured. 

You dared not touch him, in anticipation of your actions waking him up, and simply enjoyed the quiet moment in bed with him.  You asked yourself, what was him to you really? Thinking back on all your yearning and longing for him, and how it all resolved the moment you met him again, you understood that you placed him somewhere between a brother and a lover.  After all, the warm flush you felt whenever he touched you was certainly not platonic. 

You wanted to feel his touch, and you wanted more.

You wanted to kiss him again, like you did last night, only this time you wanted it to last a bit longer.  And as your thoughts propelled you forward, you found yourself staring at his lips and biting down on your own, your heart beating like a drum.

_Just a gentle kiss._

_Just one._

You tilted your head and pushed your lips against his, a light tap, something you thought would never wake him up, and maybe it didn’t, but you swore you felt his arm twitch when your lips met.  Shuhrat’s lips were soft and warm, and you etched this memory in your mind.  It was your first real kiss, and your entire body reacted to it.  You felt a pit forming in your stomach and the tip of your fingers tingle, and it was all because of him.  Ripples of happiness centered on your heart radiated out to every corner of your being, almost bringing tears to your eyes.

You haven’t been this happy since… forever.

Pulling your head back, you closed your eyes and held your breath, listening for any movement from him, and to your relief there was none.  _A stolen kiss_ , you smiled to yourself, getting a bit teary.  It would be your secret, buried along with the many words, thoughts, like flashcards in your head.  Loving him was a terrifying concept to you, just like becoming close to anyone in general.  When you loved someone too much, it was easy for them to hurt you, easy for them to leave, to forget you, and to vanish.  In a sense, you were protecting yourself by putting a safe distance in between.

_I love you, Shuhrat._ You confessed silently and sighed, attempting to send yourself to sleep again. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent, wishing that you could stay in this moment for eternity.

The next time you woke, it was just past noon and Shuhrat wasn’t there anymore.  You rubbed your eyes and lifted yourself off the bed to stretch lazily, your arms high up in the air.  You checked the calendar on the wall and felt relieved that you still had a good week to spend with Shuhrat before he had to go again.  How you wished days would last forever, so you could keep him with you selfishly.

The two of you met at the lunch table and your adoptive parents were happy that you finally started talking to them again, thanks to Shuhrat.  They asked him about his time in the military, especially his father had many questions for his current position.  You could tell from the man’s eyes that he was so very proud of his son and it made you smile.  Watching him interact with his father, you wished you could gaze into your father’s eyes again.

“You all grow so fast, I sometimes forget you aren’t little kids making toys anymore.” You heard his mother say, “Remember Shuhrat, always create for good.”

He had always been a natural inventor, keen on how to make things tick and work.  You still had many stuff that he made you stored in various corners of your room, woodworks and mechanical stuff, all served to lighten up your mood.  In fact, the clock in the living room was one of his handiworks.  It was shaped like a birdhouse, but every hour on the hour there would be a pig that popped out of it and make a loud _oink_ before getting back inside the house.  You always loved listening to that noise.

“Always, mother.” He replied and passed you a piece of bread, you took it and thanked him.

“So, what are you two younglings up to today?” Asked his father.

You looked to Shuhrat as he answered, “I want to take her out to meet a friend of mine.  Timur.  We met in England.”

“Good, you boys make sure she has a good time, alright?”

You felt embarrassed by the request, knowing that Shuhrat’s father always wanted you to be more active and go out more, being the recluse you were.  It would be nice to meet Timur finally, though.  You wondered what other people like Shuhrat was like. 

After lunch, you set out to go meet Timur at the appointed place.  It was very convenient that you were all around Moscow so picking a midpoint was what the boys settled with.  You had your favorite outfit on and took some time to make yourself pretty; it was nerve wrecking to meet new people, you admitted to yourself.

When you finally saw Shuhrat’s comrade, you were surprised by a friendly hug coming from him.  He took a few big steps towards you and grabbed you by your arms before giving you a warm hug.  It startled you a little, and a glance at Shuhrat you could see that he had his mouth open, presumably wanting to say something to Timur.

You remained still until Timur let you go and you smiled awkwardly at the man.  He had cool blue eyes, unlike Shuhrat’s warm brown. 

“I’ve heard so much about you.  It’s good to finally meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too.” You said shortly, not knowing how to deal with the situation.  You wondered if Shuhrat had told him about your past.  _Maybe that’s why he’s so nice to you?_

“She likes your painting.” Shuhrat added on the side.

You snapped back to the conversation and nodded hurriedly, having almost forgot about it, “It is beautiful, thank you so much, Timur.”

“The 18th birthday is always important.  I’m glad you like it.” Timur smiled and gestured the two of you to follow him, “Come, we can talk more at the alley.”

Not far away from where you met was a bowling alley that was usually booming with business.  The three of you found a lane and settled down before Timur handed you a menu for drinks and snacks. 

Each of you got your favorite drinks, but the boys got alcoholic ones.  You kept your gaze on Timur and pondered his character as they talked.

“Poor Alex (Tachanka), having to deal with Maxim.”

“They will have fun without us, Timur. All the actions.” Shuhrat replied before downing his drink and turning to you, “Let’s bowl?”

You nodded with a smile and got up, getting yourself pumped and tried to let go of your nervousness. One lane next to yours had a strike going on and people started cheering loudly.  You felt Shuhrat come up behind you nudged your hand with a ball.

“Do you know how to do it?”

To be honest, you didn’t, but you took the ball from him anyway.  The weight immediately pulled down half of your arm and you started blushing at your inexperience before finding balance again.

Shuhrat had the look on his face as if he was going to chuckle but held it back.  He led you to the middle of the lane and demonstrated to you the correct way to pitch the ball.

“Like this, just lower to the ground.  Don’t throw it out, let it slide.” He held your arm for a while until you managed to find the best position, “Now try.”

You let the ball go as it landed with a thud, only to watch it roll further and further to the side track and going under.  The pins stood undisturbed at the end of the lane and you lowered your head in disappointment.

“It’s alright, give it another try.” You heard Timur encourage you as you grabbed another ball and focused on the lane before you. 

This time, the ball rolled very close to the center of the lane and managed to hit all but two of the side pins and you chirped victoriously.  You glanced back at the boys and found both of them smiling back at you.

“Now comes the hard part: You have to hit the last two.” Shuhrat laughed.

It took you one other try before you got the strike and it was Timur’s turn next.  The tall Russian stood up from his seat and grabbed a ball like it was air before tossing it gracefully down the lane.  The ball hit the middle pin dead center, and all others fell under collision like magic.  Strike on first try.  You stared in amazement and clapped for him.

Timur looked to Shuhrat with a challenging smirk, “Best that, Kessikbayev.”

You watched as Shuhrat loosened his muscles and grabbed a ball.  After a loud crash, he also got a strike on the first try.  Coming back to sit down next to you, you saw him relax himself, staying cool and smug as if telling Timur that he could do just as good as him.

“That was just luck, no skill.” Timur mused, and you chuckled at their friendly rivalry.

You played a few more rounds and downed several more drinks before your time was up and you left the alley and walked along the street.  It was still early into the night, but the open market place nearby was populated by travelers and fair-goers.  You saw tourists and locals, all mingled together looking for the wares they desired.

You were affected by the joyful atmosphere around you and it made you want to converse more.  Walking between Shuhrat and Timur, you joined in on their banter actively.

“Who does more exciting things, you or Shuhrat?” You asked Timur.

He gave Shuhrat an evil look before answering, “It depends how you look at it.  I make sure he doesn’t get shot in the ass, and he takes care of charging in.”

“Last I checked, I was the one saving your ass.” Shuhrat retorted.

“Of course you were.” Timur laughed.

So it was dangerous after all, what they did.  You felt that familiar worry climb up your heart, imagining the gunfire and war in your mind.  You didn’t want any of that, you just wanted Shuhrat to be safe.

“As long as you look out for each other, I guess…” You said, “I don’t want any of you to be hurt.”

They paused and looked at you at the same time before Timur replied, “We’re trained to do this, сестричка (sister), you needn’t worry.”

Shuhrat didn’t say anything and you wondered if he was thinking over your words.  You decided that it was best to leave the topic alone and switched to something more light-hearted instead.

“What’s there in England? Are the ladies… are they pretty?”

You mentally slapped yourself for asking that question.  Never ask a question if you didn’t want to hear the answer, but it was too late.  Timur was smiling and Shuhrat was speechless.  You thought to yourself that this would be the time when Timur tells you that Shuhrat had fallen in love with someone pretty, smart, and close to him.  This would be the moment your heart shatter.

But he didn’t.

“England is nice, but not as good as Russia.  They drive on the other side of the road, and I find that very strange.  As for the girls… well Shuhrat, why don’t you tell her?”

Your heart rose to your throat and you could even feel your footsteps slowing down, waiting for his answer.

“They are different.” He said shortly and you spent a long time trying to decipher what he meant by _different_.  Were they taller than you and more attractive than you? They must be… Why else would Shuhrat say so?

“That they are, but your brother has yet to woo one.” Timur added and it made you drop a boulder in your heart, “Shuhrat’s too frigid for them.”

“Speak for yourself, Glazkov.  I still remember how you dealt with your romantic advancements.”

And with that, Timur fell silent.  You looked to him curiously, “You’re taken, Timur?”

The blue-eyed Russian smiled at you and answered, “It’s a long story, yes.”

You smiled back, “I would like to hear it.”

The three of you walked until late into the night, and you watched as the streets grew quieter and quieter and the bars louder and louder, a life distant from your own, and one you’d never understand.  Sensing your growing fatigue, Shuhrat decided to call it a night and you said your goodbyes before Timur hugged you one more time.

“We’ll meet again, take care before then.”

You nodded and squeezed the man.  Timur was a very likeable guy and it saddened you a little to go. “I would love to see more of your artwork in the future, Timur.  Stay safe, alright?”

He chuckled, “I’ll paint you new ones, don’t worry.”

After you parted, you and Shuhrat went home and you did your nightly routine of washing yourself and changing before getting into bed with a book in your hand, planning to read yourself to sleep.  Your mind was in a blissful state from all the fun you had today and you felt refreshed that you were able to socialize and genuinely enjoy it.

But of course, there was always one thing on your mind.  Shuhrat and what you did earlier in bed.  You scanned the passages on the pages, but no words could find root in your mind.  You closed the book and waited, thinking to yourself if Shuhrat would join you again, anticipating it, even.

Your eyes lit up when he went through your doorway and gave you a warm smile, “I thought you were tired.”

“I am, just… waiting for you.” You said, trying to maintain a straight face, but the heat had already crept up your cheeks.

Like usual, he set up his pillow so he could lie in the bed next to you and put his arm around your back.  You snuggled into his hold comfortably and draped your arm over his chest, holding him, breathing in his scent and just immersing yourself in this moment.  Like always, he rubbed your back and played with your hair, trying to put you to sleep.

Nothing spectacular happened until you heard him said, “You should rest.”

You opened your eyes and stared blankly ahead, feeling his chest rise and fall, “Can you turn off the light, Shuhrat?”

He obliged and darkness blinded you.  You pressed yourself tightly against him and wondered if he could feel your love, and you wanted him to.  As much as you could pretend to be normal during the day, when night comes and you were in his arms again, that’s when all the noises in your mind fade away and all your worries disappear, and you thought of no one but him.

You held your breath when he suddenly called you and you stared up in the darkness at his face.

“Everything I do, I do it for you.”

You let out a slow sigh and felt tear rushing to your eyes.  You knew he did it for you.  It took you a while to understand his motivations, but you figured it out.  Even so, you wished he could leave it all behind and just stay by your side.

“I know, I just---” You said quietly before he leaned over and kissed you on your lips.

You blanked out, surprised, excited, and caught off guard.  A mixture of emotions attacked you when you felt his lips move against yours, and hesitantly you let yourself respond to him, after having a little fight with yourself in your heart.  _Is this real?_ You asked yourself.  It had to be.  Your fingers were in his soft curls and pulling him deeper into the kiss, and you felt his arms hold you against him with such power.

When the kiss ended, before you could ask him why, he brushed his thumb against your cheek and said, “That’s for kissing me in the morning.”

You let out a short gasp and hid your hot face in his arms, a sudden shame overcame you, knowing that your crime hadn’t gone unnoticed.  Your heart was going crazy again and you couldn’t move at all, becoming completely passive.

“Shuhrat…” You were tongue-tied, trying to understand what you felt about the kiss.

“Now, we are even.” He smiled and went back to caressing your back.

“You were awake…” You murmured, still not over the fact that he was aware when you kissed him.  “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have stopped. Oh my god.”

“Don’t be upset.” He comforted, “I knew you would have stopped.  I didn’t want you to.”

His words were making you blush madly and tears fell from your eyes, a mixture of joy and shock.  Could it be that he felt the same for you, all this time?

“I have loved you for so long.” You confessed at last and nuzzled into him. “Please… tell me, Shuhrat, tell me this is wrong.”  You weren’t thinking straight, the thoughts and memories of the two of you entangled like your hair in his palm. 

“Do you know what hurts me the most?” He asked you, you could feel his calming gaze despite not being able to see his face. “Seeing you sad and broken.  It kills me.  I wish I can replace all those dark times with something better, but I can’t.  What I can do is right here, right now, and there’s nothing wrong with this.”

He had never spoken so much before, almost never about his own feelings.  These sincere words touched you and you could finally understand him and his love for you. 

“When the fight is done, I want to come back and make you happy.” He continued, “I promise.”

What did he mean by that? You felt your heart beating at a thousand beats per second and could do nothing other than listen.

“ _И жизнь хороша́, и жить хорошо́_ (And life is good and it is good to be living) _._ ” He said with a voice that threatened to make you cry, “So please, my sunshine.  Live.”

And like that, he reduced you to rubble and built you back up into someone new.  It was as if your confusing and conflicting emotions for him were resolved, and the past and present connected, the gaps filled and memories flourished.  You had been blind for too long.  You hadn’t been living for yourself, and that was all he wanted, for you to grow and be happy.

“I will wait for you, Shuhrat.” You said to him and wrapped yourself tighter around his body.  A pleasant feeling, a warmth, bloomed inside your chest, close to your heart.  It felt eternal, and it was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus! Writer's block came around along with life problems, but everything is cool now. The light is green and we are a go. Next up, a story of you and Glaz ;)


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